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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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In which I'm just beginning to think that while yes, Lex is still the love of my life, I COULD concievably just forget the show exists and write fanfic STRAIGHT AU from this show.

There's a frightening pattern emerging here that, if the trailer for next week is any indication, will pretty much resign me to turning the TWoP recaps into my major source of canon.

If you are interesting on the show, you are doomed to die. No, really. You will die. If you are a cast member that shows the SMALLEST amount of life, you will be killed, or, if you're very, very lucky, have all of your dialogue destroyed and your scenes shredded away.

But. Unless you're somehow protected by DC canon, I suggest finding a good place in the cemetary today. Chloe, Lionel, I'm talking to you. Trust me on this one.

But I digress.

I enjoyed this on all non-CLana and non-Lex/Helen levels, which sadly ends up being one Clark and Lex convo and every fight scene, though really, you can't go wrong with some good old-fashioned violence. Because Whitney-Tina was FUN. Creepy, stalkerish, vaguely threatening, and totally in the psychotic zone. I have a weakness for the charming stalker--look how I like Clark! I have an even bigger weakness for those rare characters that show this elusive thing known as--let me make sure I get this right--oh yes, backbone. Some of us like to call it personality as well.

So yes. Whitney-Tina was great. She mooned over Lana in every form with such obsessive devotion that I got a major kick out of every damn scene. Pseudo-slash all over the place. Wonderful stuff. And all the actors who played Tina were IMMENSE fun to watch. Even Clark-Tina was cool, albeit I'm sad to say, up until the actual fighting, I couldn't quite see the difference between Real-Clark and Clark-Tina.

Let me do the checklist.

Stalking Lana--both of them
Bad clothing sense--both of them
bizarre behavior--both of them
Backbone--both, no WAIT. THERE'S THE DIFFERENCE!

Huh. Go figure. It's sad that I'm looking at Tina, thinking, wow, you make a pretty damn cool Clark. Like Red!Clark, but a hair less sociopathic and apparently, extremely monogamous. Lana could do a lot worse.


What, of course, made NO sense is that Tina seemed to be under the impression that tying up people will dispose of them. I get why Mrs. Fordman survived--she was The Official Whitney Encyclopedia. But, um, necklaced Clark was kind of vulnerable. Me, I would have dropped him down a well. NIce and distant. Somehow, locking someone up in their own cellar just--doesn't have that kind of finality.

The obsessed are short-sighted that way, I suppose.

Lex, adorable and paranoid, had me at the first sign of paranoia--and you know, I dont' blame him. Look at Victoria. I mean, she could turn you off women forever. Yes, I'd be pissy if my ultra-rich, CEO boyfriend suddenly accused me of fraternizing with the enemy, but that's when you explain and have them grovel afterward.

Clark and Lex playing pool was lovely. Fun conversation, sweet, charming, FRIENDLY. Which of course should have warned me that thing will go downhill, but I'm currently not thinking of next week's trailer but instead, will drown in the CLexian goodness, since that's all they gave me.

Though you know....

Helen goes to the Talon for coffee.

Hmm. The place her ex-boyfriend half-owns.

Yes, I think it's deliberate, and I would have liked it far more if she'd given him a chance to explain. But I also like that she finally heard him out in the end, despite the fact that my poor boy was given the worst lines in the history of Smallville, and that's really saying something. Seriously, she listened to that and said, okay, instead of, let me refer to you to my psychiatrist friend who specializes in Oedipal complexes. Call me when mental health is achieved.

That's true love.


Okay, so the Lex/Helen thing is growing on me, but I refuse to let it grow too much. For one, because this has Major Lex Love Life Disaster written ALL over it and I refuse to get attached too much. Lucky for me, she's not showing too much personality yet, though I felt disturbing amounts of sympathy, so if she's very fortunte, she'll survive the season alive, though perhaps in need of drug therapy and counseling.

Chloe got minimal screentime--they must be following her contract to the minimal minute or something. Pete got to breathe a few times on screen. He also got thrown into a locker. I'm sure he's fine by now with a sprained wrist and a tiny cut on his forehead. Because you know how weak lockers are when one is throwninto them at high speeds. That dent? Nothing at all!

No Lionel except anecdotal and in photography. But I have to ask--um, what is the point exactly? I mean, is he on CRACK? Hire her to spy on LexCorp, logical. Offer her money to spy on Lex, logical. Offer her money to break up with him because.... I'm not seeing any good long-range goal here besides slowly and carefully digging his very own grave. He's got to know Lex is having him watched, and it's not like Lex didn't ALMOST LEAVE HIM TO DIE ONCE.

You'd think that experience just MIGHT have been a valuable lesson in just how strained family relations are.

So no one was too bright this episode.

This opinion is completely subject to change if my mood improves. That trailer just peeved me entirely too much.

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Okay. What happened in the trailer? Because, you know, I'm extremely curious now. Please?

(And my Smallville love has already gone AU. I watch episodes if most people seemed to like them on the following Sunday. And read recaps. Eh.)

The announcer said, and I think I remember correctly: "Lex Luthor goes over to the dark side."


This ep made me so sad. It just sucked. It was beyond sucking. It was the height of suckitude.

Lex Luthor goes over to the dark side

Oh, joy.

It was the height of suckitude

So, you're telling me not to bother with the Sunday repeat? *g*

So, you're telling me not to bother with the Sunday repeat? *g*


Well, tape it. Two Important Parts.

Wet!Clark. White t-shirt. Just pause right there. It's good.

PoolPlaying!CLex. they discuss their love lives. Theyr'e cute. And in the same room. For more than five seconds. That's new.

The rest? Eh.

What, of course, made NO sense is that Tina seemed to be under the impression that tying up people will dispose of them. I get why Mrs. Fordman survived--she was The Official Whitney Encyclopedia. But, um, necklaced Clark was kind of vulnerable. Me, I would have dropped him down a well. NIce and distant. Somehow, locking someone up in their own cellar just--doesn't have that kind of finality.

IMO, she kept him alive for the same reason as mrs. fordman. if tina figured that lana was in love with clark, then she would need to keep him around to get all his information too. at least, that's what i would do. though, i would have used more of the pretty green rocks.

You shouldn't take trailers too seriously. The network puts trailers together, and they say whatever comes into their heads that they think will attract viewers. Besides, "dark" is so open to interpretation.

In fact, Jenn, you should stop thinking about this episode and get back to writing. *g*

*sticks out tongue*

Action kicks my ass unless it's sex. Sex is easy compared to maneuvering five people around a room and making them banter. Gah. They're all--annoying. And don't want to talk, just start the world-taking-overness.

On theupside, Lex did wear red in teh episode. That makes up for a lot of things.

I really really liked Helen the last time but I was disappointed in her chemistry with Lex here. I mean even when she's giving him the brush off at the coffee house (hey didn't they have another one of those in Smallville?...nice with the subtle there Miss Doctor) even though Lex looks upset...he still seems remarkably unaffected. I've seen MR look more broken up over a passing comment by Mamma Kent than he did over this. *shrugs*

I did like that Clark was A) NOT jealous and B) sticking up for the doctor. I can't help but wonder if Lex would have gone hat in hand so to speak if he hadn't had that little heart to heart with his favorite farmboy.

sometimes being on the other side of the pox-ridden planet can be really annoying. I want to see these - particularly I want to see the trailer so I can dissect it. Nice Lex, pretty Lex... Lex who I am so scared for I find it hard to watch anything involving him at all...

AU heaven is so much more soothing.


I spend most of every episode worrying what they're going to do to poor Lex. *shivers* Poor, poor Lex.

I'm telling you, it's going to be proven that half of season two was some bizarre Kryptonite-influenced dream sequence.

Okay, I'm hoping. A LOT.

I have a weakness for the charming stalker

Suddenly our friendship makes so much more sense...

As bad as "Visage" was, it still wasn't as bad as "Skinwalker," though it came pretty close. And unlike the lesbian=evil ep, the farmboys-and-Indians [sic] ep even had actual Lionel in it.

Speaking of whom... the ploy with Helen makes sense if you think like a Luthor. A modicum of research on Helen would have provided ample evidence that she couldn't be motivated by money -- her own father is a ridiculously wealthy (IIRC) plastic surgeon, yet while she followed him into the medical field, she's worked in the emergency room at Metropolis General (where she and Lex first met and where she doubtless met all manner of colourful people) and more recently at Smallville Medical Center, which... I believe it was Lex who said, "There's a reason it's called Smallville."

So if Lionel ought to have known going in that she wouldn't take his money in exchange for anything she wouldn't do anyway, what was his motivation? Presumably he knows Lex is having him surveilled. This is key. Lionel knew exactly how the meeting and subsequent funds transfer would look to his poor paranoid son, and that appearance was the whole point. A hundred grand sounds like a lot, but to Lionel it really wouldn't be, especially a) when it would help to fuck so thoroughly with Lex's head, and b) when there's a good chance Helen would simply arrange to have the money returned.

I miss Lionel. He'd better get lots of screentime next week.

That's on possibility for the Helen ploy...

I admit that Lionel setting up that whole thing just to mess with Lex's head is completely in character and I can really see him doing that. My first thought, however, was along the lines of Lex Love Life Disaster - which is simply that Helen knows how to play Lex. She really DOES know Lionel, really WAS paid money by him: most likely reason? Catch Lex, marry him and provide an heir. Once the heir is in hand she is free to do her thing with a hefty bonus in the bank - the $100,000 just being a down payment of course.

What I don't get is why they haven't developed her more? She's a doctor. There are all kinds of plot possibilities that could result in her getting suspicious of Clark, which would make the whole Helen-Lex-Clark triangle more interesting. Sheesh - it would actually exist. I mean right now it is like Lex moves between two bubbles of reality that only ever overlap around the pool table!


And another thing.

I really wonder how short term Lana's memory is. Every time Clark warns her about a boy, he ends up being right, and yet, every time the warning is delivered, the first doubt goes to the said boy. Why?
Ditto Chloe.


Plea to Jenn

Please, please, PLEASE!!!! teach the writers for Smallville how to do PLOT and CONTINUITY!!!! I know they've heard of it, but they obviously have forgotten how to do it, and have thus ceased to use it in their writing this season. I'm BEGGING you to hold a seminar or something and teach them the error of their ways so the horror that was last night's episode is NEVER repeated. (I don't think I can take any more It's-All-About-ME-Lana, Whiney-Clark, and Concussion-Pete if they're going to continue with the gory "Let's kill anyone with spine as well as any hint of CLex" attitude.)

The only thing that saved my sanity was being able to read the next installment of your current masterpiece. Even Lex in red can only do so much when it's followed by massive doses of PoorMe!Lana. It's really really sad when I have to get a fix of JennFiction to escape what used to be my favourite show. At least I'll always have season one, and you will keep writing... you will keep writing, yes? If you ever stop, I'm going have a serious withdrawl problem.


OT: If you missed it last night Michael Rosenbaum was on Conan O'Brien and if the Comedy Central guide is right they are repeating it today at 6 p.m.CST

or . . .

I COULD concievably just forget the show exists and write fanfic STRAIGHT AU from this show.

Or not-so-much-straight AU.

Which is how we like it.


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