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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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svfic: the yard, part I: scorched earth
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Okay, Cpanel is being weird, so I got it to upload okay, but no in-page links are available.

The Yard Part I: Scorched Earth; 56,367 words.

Author Notes: rivkat is mostly responsible for any possible readability. She did some amazing work asking questions that I needed to answer and pointing out mistakes I needed to fix. All remaining errors are my own. And thanks to svmadelyn, who always has time to listen to me whine about it and mumble over it and pretty much remind me not to drive myself crazy.

This story breaks with canon from Precipice, Season Two. There are some somewhat significant differences from the original posted in my LJ, as well as a lot of length, but no real changes in original plotline, so if you want to skip to the new stuff, it shouldn't be impossible to follow.

Thsi is a WiP, in that while this is the final version of Part I, more or less, Part II is still--percolating. Like coffee. Kind of.

Quick apology to those who commented in my LJ when I posted the snippet--I started work on finishing the final editing, so I didn't get a chance to finish answering comments.

Art on page courtesy of slodwick. meret also made me a gorgeous cover, but I'm waiting for cpanel to come back online to put it up. Web-based FTP takes *forever*. Thanks to you both for your amazing work.

All critique is accepted gratefully. And I hope that you enjoy the story.

Also? I really, *really* need to practice past tense more. That was *hard*.


would it make me a bad person to ask you to finish 72 Hours before i read this? or would you laugh and pet me but then secretly be annoyed behind my back?

*flushes* I have no idea if I will ever finish it, it's so far back-- it think I started that one before I wrote Dust. *frowns thoughtfully* But I can look at it and see where I left it to see if it's possible. That work?

*snickers* I could never be annoyed by you. *hugs* And it did have that icing licking thing that I deeply adore. Hmm.


I just got home from the worst concert of all time and although I'm too brain-dead to read this at the moment, I just wanted to let you know that the prospect of sitting back tomorrow with a lengthy Jennific totally made my night. *glee

*grins* Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy it!

Excellent! And what a cliffhanger. Can't wait to see what happens next.

*rueful* You'll know when I'm sure, chica. Thanks!

My God.

I fear my brain will not recover.

Um. Good?

Thank you. *grins*

*flails about*

It's so, so good. *KEELS Pete* I love the backstory between Lex and Kal, and I can't wait for more.

Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!

So. About The Yard. It is different from the previous version, but I like this one better--it's more dramamtic somehow. The rhythm is more compelling or something.

I'll have to re-read this before I can be coherent. I need some time to digest how I feel about it. (I'll FB again later.) But I do think it's a very good drama.

I like how lowkey the CLex is, and I look forward to more in this universe.

So. About The Yard. It is different from the previous version, but I like this one better--it's more dramamtic somehow. The rhythm is more compelling or something.

Rivka got on me about pacing, especially the beginning compared to the middle and end. I don't think I did enough, but it does read somewhat smoother with some of the cuts.

I'll have to re-read this before I can be coherent. I need some time to digest how I feel about it. (I'll FB again later.) But I do think it's a very good drama.

I like how lowkey the CLex is, and I look forward to more in this universe.


Thanks! I'm thrilled you like it!

It is soooooooo good!! There is twist upon twist upon twist. You left me on the edge of my seat all the way! Its just a great story. I hope you would continue to post parts of Part 2 b/c I'm just dying to know what happens next.

Too good! Thanks so much for sharing. Made my Sunday morning better!

I wanted to say all these things but you said them first and better, so I simply defer and point in your general direction while intoning, "What she said."

:)

All critique is accepted gratefully.

Well, you said it... ;)

"Run over and see if Mr. Granger's got a copy of this week's order. Your father couldn't find it."

Whoa, HUGE slip-up by Martha. Oops! Hee hee.

"All right." Sighing, he stands up, reaching for the order form Mom handed him, barely breaking her concentration on the numbers.

That should be stood up, not stands :)

and Clark still hasn't figured out exactly what that kid has that he doesn't, other than a really great bicycle.

I'm not sure it hasn't should be hadn't or not... *scratches head*

Motors like the corpses of better days sprinkled around like Leggos

Do you mean Legos?

"You sure he's here?" Lex asked dubiously, picking his way through the dust with a look that Clark would not. Laught. At. Seriously.

Laugh, not Laught.

He hadn't even checked recently to see if it was still there Wiping sweaty palms over his thighs, Clark flicked casually at his shirt, trying to get some air movement

There's a full stop missing between sentences.

Clark followed the shocked eyes to a kif standing on the other side of the car, staring at them in shock.

Kid, not kif.

"Kal," someone breathed, like invoking a curse, and Clark watched blearily as the circle take a *huge* step back.

Took, not take.

And HOLY CRAP!

There are even report that, when it was feared Napoleon would conquer them, they sowed their own fields with salt. Scorched earth."

Reports instead of report.

This is sooooo good. *engrossed*

There esd a limit to how long anyone can sit around in shock and saying 'this can't be happening' without reverting to something close to quasi-normal

I'm thinking this should start with There was or There should be. Also, keep should come before the word saying.

His voice trailed off. "You not, though. You--but you're with him."

You're not instead of You not?

It's weird, how fast you get used to paranoia,

It was weird, how fast you got used to paranoia,

He's played at it before--after a kegger his freshman year that Pete made him to go for the purposes of raising his profile, when he was *really* young and he and Chloe and Pete had drank all that hard cider at Mr. Johnson's without anyone knowing.

He'd instead of He's.

"You're right." A hand traces the sheets between them thoughtfully. "You do."

Traced instead of traces.

Damn, that was a good scene.

"What the fuck do you think you're *doing*? You think I got of there just to get killed by my own people?"

Should be out before of.

She's getting really pissed. Clark backed into the wall a little more, glad all that attention is on Lex. "We can win."

She was getting really pissed. Clark backed into the wall a little more, glad all that attention was on Lex. "We can win."

"Here." Clark's stopped at the sound of Lex's voice, narrowing his eyes to see what he was doing.

"Here." Clark stopped at the sound of Lex's voice, narrowing his eyes to see what he was doing.

"They recognized us both. She--she pushed me down and--" Lex stopped, voice cracking. I got you out while they were--involved in stopping her. They didn't kill her."

Speech mark missing.

He didn't nightmares when he was living one.

Should there be a need in there?

Lex was awake--the absolute dark of the cave is broken by the lamp James had gotten from somewhere, God alone knows how he got batteries.

is should be was.

Turning, he pressed his wrist to Lex's forehead--almost two days had taught him the feel of fever. But he's cool.

But he was cool, not but he's cool.

He wanted to be home But most of all, he wanted to pick up Lex and run the hell out of here, and knowing Lex would never allow it, that Clark himself couldn't live with himself if he did...

Full stop missing.

The building shook with the blasts, coming steadily closer, and Kal watched Lex he knew emerge from the thin, pale man, pushing himself straight and staring at the other man like he'd never seen him before.

Should be the before Lex.

And WOW.

You are an evil, evil woman.

Quick question:

Run over and see if Mr. Granger's got a copy of this week's order. Your father couldn't find it."

Whoa, HUGE slip-up by Martha. Oops! Hee hee.


What's the mistake? I found the rest, but I'm not sure what was wrong with this bit.

*hugs hard* And thanks. Editing proceeding.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!! :0)

*Grins* Glad you liked it! Thanks!

So. It's 5.45 AM. Mmmhmm. This wasn't in my Sunday/Monday plan at all. I think there was supposed to be sleeping ...

You create the most fabulous worlds. Loved it. Especially the slow AU Lex development. Kudos.

Thanks very much!

Adn wow, that's--early. *yawns for you* Damn.

what the hell?!?! what's with the... and then the... and you did *what*? i have so. very. many. questions. you might want to run now =) [composes e-mail]

Got the email. Am contemplating the reply. I mean, *contemplating* As you are *really thorough*.

*grins and breathes*


*thump*

That was me, falling off my office chair after my concentration broke and I came out of my fic-induced haze/coma.

I have lost my entire workday to The Yard...and I'm not too sorry about it.

This is awesome. As it got to the end and started twisting together, I had to force myself to read slowly because I couldn't wait to see how you were going to do this. And then I did, and fell out of my chair.

Thanks for succumbing to peer pressure and posting a WiP. Ditto to above: I love the worlds you create.

thump*

That was me, falling off my office chair after my concentration broke and I came out of my fic-induced haze/coma.

I have lost my entire workday to The Yard...and I'm not too sorry about it.


Um, sorry? *bites lip*

This is awesome. As it got to the end and started twisting together, I had to force myself to read slowly because I couldn't wait to see how you were going to do this. And then I did, and fell out of my chair.

Thanks for succumbing to peer pressure and posting a WiP. Ditto to above: I love the worlds you create.


Thank you so much! *hugs* I'm glad you liked it!

I knew it! I knew it! I was reading, and I was like 'either Kal or Lex is a traitor!!!' And then I remembered normal!Lex's comments on how stupid it would be to put the leaders together, and I was 'ah ha! It's other!Lex!!!"

Um...anyway, I LOVE this story, and I can't wait for the next part. And I really, really, love Kal/Lex's backstory.

I knew it! I knew it! I was reading, and I was like 'either Kal or Lex is a traitor!!!' And then I remembered normal!Lex's comments on how stupid it would be to put the leaders together, and I was 'ah ha! It's other!Lex!!!"

*dies laughing* Good call.

Um...anyway, I LOVE this story, and I can't wait for the next part. And I really, really, love Kal/Lex's backstory.

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Oh, this was just tremendous.

I absolutely love the way it made me feel-- almost like I was in the moment with the characters. I was so invested in it by the last part that the cliffhanger made me nauseous because I'm so ready to find out what happens next. Oh, the anticipation!

Very cool!


*giggles* Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it!

I have spent a day hunched over my keyboard and sucking back tea, reading and reading and reading ... and wow. I've always loved your writing, and it's so great to have something new to hold onto, even something new that's this painful. I love the subtleties of Clark and Lex here, they're saying so much to each other without saying anything, the pressure between them like an ache, and I so want them to comfort each other in this desolate place that they've landed in.

And I love the comic details - the cat that just keeps going after Clark, and the graveyard of cars, and the subtle jealousy of Clark wanting to be the centre of Lex's life ... the moments when he is just such a teenager, and Lex needs to remember what it feels like to feel like that.

You do angst and hurt better than anyone, and I'm really loving this so far. Can't wait to find out what happens next.

I have spent a day hunched over my keyboard and sucking back tea, reading and reading and reading ... and wow. I've always loved your writing, and it's so great to have something new to hold onto, even something new that's this painful. I love the subtleties of Clark and Lex here, they're saying so much to each other without saying anything, the pressure between them like an ache, and I so want them to comfort each other in this desolate place that they've landed in.

Thank you!

And I love the comic details - the cat that just keeps going after Clark, and the graveyard of cars, and the subtle jealousy of Clark wanting to be the centre of Lex's life ... the moments when he is just such a teenager, and Lex needs to remember what it feels like to feel like that.

You do angst and hurt better than anyone, and I'm really loving this so far. Can't wait to find out what happens next.


I'm glad you liked it, and doubly glad it made sense. *hugs* Thanks.