January 5th, 2008

children of dune - leto 1

craving isn't quite the word, but I don't know a better one

So I had this dream about tree-squid.

Wait. It's not that kind of dream. But I think it mostly is; I had a dream where there were tree-squid and scaly cats and I have no idea why this makes me giggle, but it does. Why I remember is because it was a nightmare, the way that a nightmare is when nothing terrifying happens, but you know that everything's wrong and you're not sure why. Well, that and having tree-squid thrown at me. I woke up utterly freaked out and blinking suspiciously at every tree I passed.

It still makes me giggle. They were squid the size of small dogs, like something out of Super Mario.

No, I'm not high. I'm just awake. And actually, I woke up an hour or so ago after a dream that lasted years. I was dancing because when I fell asleep, I was remembering a post by hetrez from a week or so ago.

Put Me in a Package and Send Me There:

I've been thinking about this lately, and talking about it a lot, because I am struggling with sexuality, with the question of whether or not I have one, and I feel strange desiring touch when I don't have a corresponding desire -- the words "touch" and "body" seem hypersexualized to me sometimes, they seem loaded with a meaning that I don't want. If I am friends with someone, I want to put my hands on their face -- my fingers twitch, I have to rub my palms against my jeans, because it's weird, you know? Touching someone softly on the neck, at the corner of their jaw, behind their ears, and hoping that it will be anything else to that person besides a signal that I want to kiss them.

Heh. I don't know. Come over here, let me play with your hair. I promise I won't try anything funny.

It's been simmering for a while, I think, but so much moreso tonight, and I'm not sure why. The elegance of expression is part of it; I love the fit of words that flow together like the textual manifestation of touch.

I thought of this tonight, feeling fingers in my hair and on the back of my neck, and wonder.

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