November 15th, 2007

john behind bars

pointless polls

I am in the mood for attention for no particular reason. Yet this requires effort.

Flamewar or Fiction?

I even have a poll!

Poll #1089193 Attention Whoring Multiple Choice

So, fastest way for attention

Flamewar! But justified! Like at people I hate.
Fiction! Something emo with porn and Rodney crying a lot. I mean a lot.
Personal tragedy! My friend posted me badfic and got me hooked and now I'm a junkie! JUNKIE!
Mockery! But only of people I'm fairly sure can't fight back very hard.
Victimization! My pain is very real and by God you shall hear it all! ALL I SAY!
I will answer this in comments with my special secret of getting attention.

My computer is in the boxing stage. I need the distraction.
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and lo, upon the horizon, my libido approaches. I ignore it.

In continuing adventures of How Jenn Got Her Libido Back--this is tagged 'unrequited'.

Relates to my startled realization I am, in fact, human, and suddenly find myself in the middle of a crush. So embarrassing.

So class. Funnily, I fell asleep during class on Tuesday, so homework was extra bizarre in that all my notes were written in a way that didnt' encourage reading them. Randomly--I still can't IPO or diagram a program before I write it. I mean, I can, but it's impossibly hard. Whereas I can get the skeleton of a program up and boom, I can do everything. Part of it has to be how I write as well--I can't really pre-plot an entire story all that well either before writing it. I mean, I *can* and have, but usually it works a lot better if I wait until I'm a bit in and can see what patterns are already there and how the shape will develop.

Beside the point.

We were talking with some other people before class about using tabs in output text, and etc etc etc--anyway, during the lab I was having my professor check my flowchart (Okay, I admit, I get a kick when he writes on my charts stuff like "nice design!" I am very in need of outside approval. Judge all you like.), and while waiting he went to print his; since our professor had been working with him on his, I appropriated it to read, and he gave me a look and then asked if I'd lost weight since the beginning of the semester.


Jesus God. Also, I realized he's taller than me, and I remembered he used to do calesthenics regularly and carried large firearms and probably sweats attractively. At some point in his life, not too long ago, eh wore BDU's. He's also smart.

Will not throw self at guy-with-girlfriend. I actually won't and wouldn't--that alone actually acts nicely to kill libido quickly--but seriously. My physical type. And I'd love arguing with him, and I'd enjoy mocking him, and I'd enjoy both coming from him.

My only real solace is hoping he's actually a total asshole and the charm of arguing with him is actually him on his very best behavior. Or he is a playboy. Or he eats raw squirrel. Kills cats for fun. Hates Atlantis. Please.

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It's not like I'm reading anything into it--I just had one male coworker ask if I gained weight, and my BMI still sits stubbornly at just-overweight that annoys me. Stupid weird inappropriate girl reactions. I need to find my zen. And he needs to stop arguing with me so much because hey, that's foreplay to me and wow, I am so glad class will be over in a few weeks.

In closing: damn him. Also, I looked like hell because I am determined to never look like I am at all trying to in any way appear attractive. OTOH, I finished all my programming up and got to leave early before I did something idiotic like wander over and ask to read his etchings.

Maybe I should get another rabbit?