June 8th, 2007

children of dune - leto 1

*sighs* my life.

The problem is, I fool myself that I lack vanity. It's a huge lie. The truth is I am vain and lazy, so I am worried about how I look but never feel inspired to do much about it in teh long term.

But in the short term?

So far in prep for the Bahamas I have:

1.) Bought tinted moisturizer, guaranteed to make me look less fish belly white. It promises a *glow*.

2.) Loofah to scrub down and remove all traces of dead skin.

3.) Did hair to more festive summer color of light brown/caramel/blonde.

4.) Bought apricot body scrub for emergency scrubbing (yeah, don't ask)

5.) Obsessively cleaning, moisturizing, and doing that thing with that stuff that prevents acne. A *lot*.

6.) Shoe shopped. DSW is my heroin.

7.) Bathing suit obsession. God. Dammit. For years, I managed to do it the old fashioned way and wait until the last second to grab whatever was left. But no. This time, I was going to be a careful shopper and pick something that looked good and was pretty. I discovered, like many women, that no matter what bathing suit I tried on, it looked terrible. Even the ones I didn't try on I instinctively *knew* would look terrible. The ones that they no longer stocked, of course, were the ones that I was certain would make me look taller, thinner, prettier, and less fish-belly white.

I cannto believe I spent three hours staring at bathing suits.

So I did it a differnet way. I foudn the cutest little skirt cover up and bought the bathing suit that matched.

...yeah. Do not judge me. I judge myself for the credit card bill.

8.) Bought shorts.

Okay, I live in Texas, but I don't have a call for shorts a lot. Or ever. I wear jeans because they are comfy, or aroudn the house, recycled jeans turned into cut off shorts if I have to go outside for some insane reason like watering plants or letting the rabbit exercise. My moment of horror came when I realized I was going on a five day cruise and had no summerwear.

And hey, when did shorts get this short? *blank* Some could double as fairly uncomfortable underwear. Well, I didnt' buy those, but the ones I did get? Jesus.

9.) Scheduled a waxing.

This is still something I may drop depending on panic level when I really understand that this is a process in which wax is put on me--in places that are say, fairly sensitive--and then ripped away. Right now it's still theoretical and I am dazzled by the idea of no razors.

However, I did discover what a Brazilian was. What is a mystery is how flexible you have to be to get one. That is--yeah. Huh.

*puts head on laptop* I feel the need to disclaim this by saying, rarely if ever will you *ever* see me obsessively trying on dresses again. As I did the other weekend. *Over twenty*. And typically, they all looked terrible. Except this one that was in teh wrong size but I am convinced would indeed have made me look taller, thinner, more attractive, and incredibly intelligent. I think it also can make julienne fries. Yes.

Of course.

Note: There is no mood here for ashamed. *sad*

About Me, Mark 2.5

So there are new people wandering around my lj, and I kept thinking, I should say hi! And stuff. And--you know, kind of give people an idea of what you have just signed on to read here.

About Me. This is fairly boring, to be honest. Blah blah no flaming blah blah boring. It's not even *witty*. God. Okay, I want to point out, anything I wrote pre 2006 that's serious and thoughtful and painfully earnest? You may mock. Just not in front of me.

Stupid Cheese Tricks. This is, beyond a doubt, the single most intersting thing about me. I have a dream. A dream that one day, David Letterman will call me for Stupid Human Tricks.

Okay, so that right there? Encapsulates pretty much my entire attitude toward life.

Um. I have no idea. It's always open season on any troll that appears here; I only ask you be funny, so we can all enjoy it. Do not flame non-trolls, or at least, try to do it when you know I won't be seeing it for a while. If I like you a lot, I will pretend I did not see you flame anyone. People I like tend to send me large amounts of chocolate, coffee, or in ltlj's case, do not get creeped out when I stalk her lj and wildly post adoration of her grocery lists. Not that I have done that yet, but honestly, I think she's just waiting to see if she *does*, if I'll post feedback saying how much I love her well characterized broccoli and the organization process of her list.

My friending policy is painfully simple. I do not like change, and I like what I know. So I tend to friend people who I have been reading for a while, have posted here a *lot* and so lured me into comfort, or posted to mutual friends' pages a lot, or all. I rarely defriend for other than dead ljs or radically changed fandom, so um, settle yourself. This is in some ways kind of like a life sentence.


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Hmm. That's about it. Miss anything you are curious about?