April 15th, 2006

bored

updates from the seperis warren

This probably deserves a longer entry, but I'm relatively sure I have creeped out and/or deeply concerned many friends wiht my rabbit obsession For those who worried--Madelyn's calling my mom if I so much as *mention* the thought of maybe getting another rabbit. And sadly, she has all my phone numbers. It's not like I can hide from her very well. I mean, I *could*, but people will rat me out. They always do.

So quick note:

I introduced Mr Waffles (this will never stop making me twitch, will it?) to the rest of the Warren, where an attempt at bonding via group orgy went so badly I can't even describe the looks on every rabbit's face, but wow. You wouldn't think anything so cute and fluffy could look homidical, except I was sitting in the pen armed with a spray water bottle and let me tell you, all those little bastards got soaked. I took everything outside to ease transition, since I worried that Mr. W, being bigger, would kick their asses. Yeah, I really should have remembered Reggie's pretty much a mini despot with black belt in rabbit-fu or something, cause dear God. That was ugly.

To help bunny bonding, you intro them on neutral territory. I figured that I'd combine that with a free show for the neighbors and put the pen in the front lawn, got inside with the gloriously malleable Mr. W in my lap and got my bottle ready. When they met, Reggie immediately tried to establish dominance over the easy going Mr W, which went badly, as you can expect. The problem is, Waffles is pretty freaking laid back, compared to my warren. He pretty much could have had Reggie on the ground with some serious rabbit-fu and sheer weight, but he just couldn't be bothered, and it shows he's not used to other rabbits that he didn't know immediately that the only way to deal with Reggie is abject submision or kicking his ass.

Mr Waffles wandered off and held off all attmepts at bonding or giving up, which argues that Waffles really needs to rethink his strategy, cause if he thinks this is over, yeah, this can't end well. This unfortunately set off a warren coup, with Sloppy and Bryante both thinking they could escape their shackles of bondage and Reggie re-established his place in the pecking order by thoroughly cowing them into submission. One might think three differnt times would be unnecessary, but this is Reggie, who believes in overkill. The other two, thwarted in their attempt to disrupt the status quo, went after Mr Waffles, who looked between me and them blankly, with absolutely no clue what the fuck was going on, just that he had to keep swiping them away. It was funny when I wasn't holding a spray bottle in their faces like a gun and threatening to dampen their asses if they didn't cut it out.

And let me tell you, it did not help when my son and his best freind collapsed outside the pen laughing at me holding a bottle like an automatic weapon on four animals that weigh about six pounds total between them all.

There was a final bid for freedom by Bryante and Sloppy with an unfortuate Waffles caught in the middle of the power play, and then rabbits were all around me and running, with Reggie sitting on top of his green castle and making terrible proclamations against his subjects before totally putting them on their knees. It was inspiring. In that way that megalomaniacs sometimes are. I came out of it unscarred, but that's because I'm not stupid. Yes, Reggie, you are king, you are despot, you are whatever you want, just keep those claws off my bare skin, kay? We all get it.

It pretty much stayed that way, with Waffles up behind my back and looking at everyone with disdain and me with incredulous amazement, wondering why I put him in with the psychos. Waffles, my friend, get used to it. You join the crazies or they eat you.

First day of rabbit bonding. Yes, this went well. Will keep you updated on the dramatic continuation of Reggie's reign of terror, because he totally remembers Bryante and Sloppy's coup and is not amused. I forsee much restriction of getting to the good carrots or getting to jump from the top of the green castle.