April 3rd, 2006

children of dune - leto 1

rabbit report, redux

Waiting for something to happen is boring. I blame it on my new cubicle, the fact I am forced to drink insane amounts of Dr. Pepper to survive, and the slowest fax and mail day in history.

I mean, in history.

During the well-fated vet exam, I was introduced to the notion that the cuteness of my rabbits somehow offsets their sociopathic personalities. However, another key piece of information came up that at the time, I ignored in favor of assuring the tiny masters of my life were in fact, healthy and parasite free. Wait, there’s more.

So this week, I noticed Reggie acting sullen and moody, laying around the pen with a petulant look, biting my toes or fingers or elbow when I was in his way, and generally behaving badly even by his standards. Comparatively speaking, Bryante and Sloppy started to appear loving, which was my first clue that maybe something is wrong in the Warren.

It dawned on me Friday, while trying to get Reggie to acknowledge I wasn’t just a large object that needed to be eaten through to get to his bowl. Whilst he occasioned unprovoked attacks followed by weirdly cuddly behavior on the other boys, burrowing at the edges of his pen and marking territory in unpleasant and highly messy ways everywhere he goes (and I do mean everywhere), snatching food from my hand to eat a few inches out of reach, looking at me with seething hate, I recognized that expression as one I am confident my son will display toward me in a few years.

Ladies and gentlemen, Reggie just entered puberty.

Rabbit puberty is a lot like human puberty, but cuter, since it involves fur. Extensive reading has prepared me for moodiness, sullenness, messiness, lack of attention to grooming, trying to nail anything in his immediate vicinity, and sudden signs of hostility combined with aggressive behavior. You know, like humans. Except with fur. So it is indeed, a lot cuter. It’s even more adorable if you have no openly bleeding wounds and your mother didn’t yell in shock when the small love of your life tried to slit her wrists with his exceedingly strong hindquarters. My middle sister has taken to avoiding the rabbit area of the house, I suppose for fear that Reggie will launch a pre-emptive attack on her.

Reggie’s already the most aggressive and athletic of the three. If I were taking bets, if he indeed does figure out how to jump out of his pen, I’m pretty sure we are all very screwed. I mean, we can run away? But his little teeth are right on the level with the tendons in our feet. And you would be immensely surprised to find out that rabbits teeth are remarkable instruments and can slice though skin just like they can a carrot.

On the other hand, my eternal search for entertainment can now be satisfied by the fact Reggie officially scares everyone and there is nothing funnier than watching adults hang warily away from an entire room because of one less-than-two pounds teenage rabbit.