August 3rd, 2005

diva 2


I will not surf at amazon just because I got a bonus at work. I do not need an ipod.

I *dont'*.

Hey, I didn't know they came in colors!

*sighs* Problem: my work connection is in the Ts, and I have an entire hour of lunch. Y'all, I was *this close* to a cellphone yesterday. Luckily, I broke down before me and my cart became one, but seriously.

I'm getting all excited about the concept of buying *screwdrivers* for God's sake.

This so cannot end well.
version one, frog love

cellphone woes

Well, I succumbed to the Lure of the Cell Phone, and I'm almost ashamed, except it *flips open* and the first person to call me on it is going to *so* be told to Beam me up, Scotty. Seriously.

I have issues with phones, in that I don't like them. I express myself best in writing--yes, you can be afraid now, if you've been reading here a while--and phone is very--impromptu speaking. To me, impromptu speaking is equivalent to extended bad stand-up comedy and repeition and sometimes, really bizarre metaphors, but longer and more painful, like having to cough up your spleen. I have an honest suspicion that my English teacher put me in competitive public speaking not because she thought I was good at it, but because she just had to see what I'd come up with under pressure in front of three judges.

Right. That veered off subject.

But phones, to me, are the enemy. When I was introduced to textual instant communication, I can honestly say that I Found My True Self, and also, increased my typing speed exponentially. Phones have too many traps--verbal cues, tones, strange sounds, and some people keep talking while using the bathroom and my God, did I need to hear that toilet flush? No. I did not. You see where this is going. For the most part, in AIM, I can be relatively sure no one is on their laptop while engaged in evacuation activites, but better, if they were? I would never know. Unless they told me. And wow, isn't *that* a quick way to get unBuddied fast.

There is also the question of access. Cellphones, like regular phones, do not require me to sign on before people see me. People can call *at any time* and leave me messages that I'm expected to *answer*, which is just weird, but there you have it. I have made it my life's mission to remain unavailable to bathroom-talking people and really, if you want me that badly, you can email me and if I hate you a lot, I'll completely ignore it, and everyone is happy.

But cellphones that *flip open* and have cool ringtones and also, work bonus, and it was this or mortgage my soul for an ibook, which was on the list, believe it or not. Also, while I'm in Minnesota, I want Child to be able to call me at any time, and also, this last year in New York, we almost lost svmadelyn to a tragic accident involving a car and her phone and wow, I had no ideas the cliches were true but people there *don't* see red lights, do they? I figure this time, she can pull me out of approaching traffic. That is karmatically just.

So. Two days, cellphone. I feel I will randomly call people and quote Star Trek at them. Or maybe I'll point it at people in the office as my new phaser and yell DIE KLINGON, which actually won't be nearly as much fun as you might think. They're all used to me.

It's really kind of sad, now that I think of it.