No, really. I mean, not all the time. It's all in sneaky, undercover ways, so people look at me like I'm crazy when I say that yes, I'm apparently coming into a curse that was cast at my birth by some very pissed off godparent, because it's just--bizarre.
Okay, maybe not entirely *wrong*. But witness this little bit of conversation.
It's jeans-shopping. This is the lowest maintenance piece of clothing in my life, other than my three-to-a-pack white t-shirt thing that really, *comfy*, Hanes, best friend for life. Seriously. I know my inseam, I generally know my waist, and it's all math--pick up teh jeans, look at the size, walk out.
But no. Being a girl and being tall sucks if you want jeans that fit. For years I gravitated toward men's jeans, 29 waist, 34 or 36 leg. Easy stuff. Could do it in my sleep.
Then I went shopping with Nezsa. And decided, since the last pair of jeans I bought were for women and, miracle of miracles, fit, I would check out what the girls were wearing in jeans this year.
Pair 1: Levi, Boot cut low-riders
Me: I like-=-
Nezsa: Your thighs look weird. Take them off.
Me: ...my thighs are weird?
Nezsa: In those jeans? Yes. Take. Them. Off.
This continued through low riders set 2, vintage, 3, and these stretchy ones that scared me but I thought looked good, but my Weird Thighs, because honestly, I *need* more body issues, and thighs so far had escaped my attention, were just fighting this tooth and nail.
Now that I think about it, my thighs do seem weird. I also have disportionately long legs. Yes, seriously, this is what i need to obsess about. Argh.
So she ran through everything that looked denim. Now, surprisingly, finding an inseam that kicks over 34 is not as easy as you might think. And sometimes, just plain impossible. My sixth pair--I'm not joking, I tried on six pairs of jeans for her, and I don't try on clothes if I can help it--she agreed with and was kind enough to let me buy them.
So I thought, okay, that wasn't so bad. So now I had Weird Thighs, but really comfy jeans that were the correct length. This is happiness.
Today, went shopping for blinds for my room. Twice. As neither set I bought fit the window. Because of course, a tape measure isn't good enough. You need this measured by *geometrists* or something to get the correct proportioned, which means my windows can be looked through by any perve in the area who wants to scare me to death.
Or I can go for that elegant sheet-over-the-window look.
I'm telling you, there's a lot ot be said for hanging the blue monkey sheets in teh windows. You know, the ones facing the road.
Oh yeah. I'm all about the class this year.
Did I mention my stackable shoe rack didn't fit my other stackable shoe rack? Yes, my day has been *marvelous*.
Blah blah blah
Did a author-sweep of scribblinlenore at SSA here. I always forget how deeply, passionately, I love Aphrodesia, that single-handedly reconciled me to the concept of Ponn Farr!Clark. I mean, saffron. That's just so cool.
It also got me through insomnia, version 2.3, the one where it's not just being tired and can't sleep. It's a hellish place of being tired, can't sleep, and can't stop thinking. These are the times that things like Lobster!Ben become really reasonable, revolutionary ideas in fiction. Or Clark growing wings. At four in the morning, my pillow and I had a deep conversation about how this could change Clark's life. Then we remembered Te did it already, and well, damn.
In case anyone's forgotten: Whosoever Loveth and Maketh a Lie. The one with wings and kinky sex.
In the last month, I have read or re-read the following:
Clark with a two pronged penis.
Clark with a self-lubing ass.
Clark with a self-lubing penis.
Clark turned into a girl. This genre deserves its own archive. Seriously.
Clark turned into a girl and getting pregnant. Own. Archive. I want them all together somewhere.
Clark staying technically male and getting pregnant. See above.
Clark getting his ass-hymen removed.
Clark the cannibal.
Clark with wings. Feathery ones.
Clark turns into a cat.
Clark turns into a frog.
The one where Clark's penis talks to him.
The one from mutant fish pov.
Edited to Add, via pearlo
Clark with a prehensile penis. I completely forgot, but I read it sometime this summer.
Edited to Add, via svmadelyn and girlinthetrilby
Clark with a knot in his penis.
Clark with a retractable penis.
I have no idea what this means at all, but it's been an adventurous month, don't you think?
Hmm. Did I miss anything interesting?