Seperis (seperis) wrote,

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lobster love in qaf

You have to understand. We were *really* tired that night.

josselin--well. I can't say it's her fault, but she's the one that mentioned seahorses, and it just went downhill from there.

Anyway. I know, I know, I'll stop spamming LJ with pointlessnss as *soon* as someone entertains me.

Jenn: Do one on mollusks.
Josselin: mollusks?
Josselin: i don't know anything about mollusks
Jenn: They have exoskeletons.
Josselin: hmm
Josselin: it's write these stories? the author has to be smart.
Josselin: really smart.
Josselin: and that just means wonderful things for the fandom
Josselin: i love it
Jenn: *nod* You are very smart.
Josselin: *raises eyebrow* so are you
Jenn: So you shold write one!
Jenn: LobsterLove!
Josselin: oh man.
Josselin: can you imagine what would happen if someone wrote a qaf lobsterlove story? *choking*
Jenn: I could not get lucky enough to see it.
Josselin: it's almost enough to tempt me back into the fandom
Josselin: for some reason, i'm sort of picturing ben as a lobster
Jenn: *blinks slowly* I can...see that.
Jenn: He'd be a good, big, meaty lobster, too.
Josselin: yeah. like...he gets hospitalized 'cause they think that he's having some sort of HIV lapse or something related
Josselin: and then, when he's in the hospital, he starts turning red and sprouts an antennae.
Jenn: *blinks* I can so see this.
Josselin: michael would be like, freaking out. brian would sort of surreptitoiusly checking out lobster books at the library. deb could freak out with michael and justin would be producing strange charcoal drawings of a molded six pack turning into a lobster's stomach
Josselin: i can just see deb, "What the *fuck* are you supposed ot do with a giant lobster?"
Josselin: hunter could have a strange sort of religious experience out of it all
Josselin: like, he thinks this is god sending him a message
Josselin: brian's like, what the fuck kind of message is that. don't be gay or you'll turn into a giant lobster?
Jenn: *dies*
Josselin: michael decides, as the transmorgification continues, that they have to let ben go free into the ocean
Jenn: *chokes*
Jenn: oh god.
Josselin: that it's cruel to keep him in this saline bath at the hospital any longer
Jenn: At home.
Josselin: so they have the whole set up rigged up.
Jenn: He should have him in the bathtub at home for a while.
Josselin: ok, so they do the bathtub for a while too.
Josselin: and then they like, kidnap him from the hospital, and wrap him up in wet blankets so he keeps fresh, and stuff him in the back of a car and drive for the coast
Jenn: *nod*
Jenn: A car chase!
Jenn: There has to be a car chase!
Jenn: Free Ben! Free Ben!
Josselin: there could be a weird ass car chase scene ending with ben scuttling across the sand for the water
Jenn: Total catchcry.
Jenn: Scuttling right ahead of hte cops!
Josselin: yep
Jenn: Or bad guys. Whatever works.
Josselin: i want to see stockwell aiming his gun at a lobster
Jenn: Ooh yes.
Jenn: YES!
Josselin: *laughing*
Josselin: i can just see the "free ben" icons now
Jenn: He should be *free*!
Jenn: And a touching scene on teh beach, as Michael lets him go!
Josselin: yes yes yes!
Josselin: and ben turns back from the water to wave a last claw at michael, who's clutching a towel and crying into brian's shoulder
Jenn: *sniffle* This will break hearts.
Jenn: I wish you would write it.
Josselin: i really don't think i could do it justice, Jenn.
Jenn: I will make you icons for it.
Jenn: You could do it justice.
Josselin: this free ben's bigger than me.
Josselin: it's relentless. it deserves somebody better
Jenn: *rolls eyes*
Josselin: ok. i don't want to write it because where's the sex?
Jenn: Point. There could be scary human/lobster sex.
Josselin: that's beyond wrong
Josselin: i don't even want to think about whether lobsters have sex organs
Jenn: This is a special lobster. A Ben-lobster.
Josselin: that really doesn't make it any less squicky
Jenn: Maybe he slowly shifts into a lobster.
Jenn: He cna be half man, half-lobster, and he and Michael can have non-squicky yet strange sex.
Josselin: that is still squicky
Jenn: It's romantic.
Josselin: he would be like a merman only a lobster-man
Josselin: it's squicky
Josselin: lobsters aren't mollusks, i don't think
Josselin: they're crustaceans
Josselin: clams are mollusks, lobsters are crustaceans
Jenn: Yes.
Jenn: They are.
Jenn: This is a Lobster Love story.
Josselin: we could abbreviate that and call it "The Lobe Story"
Jenn: This could be a story that is totally original and no one else has written.
Jenn: Perhaps the most original story in QaF.
Josselin: there's probably a good reason that no one else has written it
Jenn: Ben could just have half an exoskeleton and some antennae.
Jenn: Maybe one claw.
Josselin: would he have one human arm, then, too? cause i'm tellin' ya, not helping with the squick factor
Jenn: Maybe no claws yet, he's just reddening.
Josselin: uh huh
Jenn: Okay, at what level would it not be squicky, yet still vaguely suggestive of lobsterness to come?
Josselin: um. i dunno. when i start to think of it i start to realize that michael/ben is *always* squicky
Jenn: Yes there is that.

*sighs* It's a tragedy she isn't writing this.
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