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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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poor me
I'm *not* ashamed of what I choose to write.

I mean, I can sit here and enumerate how *many* ways I'm not ashamed, from the freedom of expression thing to the 'if I'm going to devote time, energy, and fingertime to something, I damn well better get the hell over it' thing, to the fact that glass houses and stones? So very much going on here. I'm in *fandom*. Shame is one of those things that should be removed from our collective dictionary, dammit.

I just wish someone hadn't actually *said* it--not that I was, but that I kind of should be. I'd be a lot happier thinking I didn't have any reason to be. I'd also be a lot happier if I'd snapped at them immediately and not dragged the angst out by just shrugging it off and changing the subject and then pretending that, really, this doesn't bother me at *all*. I'd be writing, not staring at this *stupid* thing, thinking, maybe I *am*, or at least, maybe I should be, which is so silly I won't even dignify myself with an answer.

And since when do I care what anyone says?

Yeah, this is brought to you in a fit of temper, mostly because I'm very tired and Child is somewhat sick, I missed a lot of work this week, and of *all* the things to bother me, this is the silliest.

Christ, this has been a bad month. April has got to be better than this, except the remixes are due and the new job will be in full swing, and why the *hell* did I sign up for that anyway? And why did I want that job?

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Ashamed of writing what? Fanfic? Slash? QAF?

Dude, I think anyone who puts pen to paper (or the electronic equivalent) should be forever exempt from shame. Considering the number of people who say they want to write but don't, just taking the action gives you a lifetime's worth of brownie points.

And I'm sorry Child is sick. *hugs*

Oh, baby. *hugs you*

I know exactly what you mean, and, at the very least, you should *not* be upset at yourself for being *affected* by that comment. I mean, dude, that would toss *most* of us off the rails, you know? Especially if it came from someone you cared about.

The thing to remember is that... yeah. Glass houses. Stones. We're all wanking over here, and there is no such thing as *noble* wank.

Unless it's boring wank, in which case there's just no point.

*hugs you some more*

What? Why should you be ashamed? You write beautifully, and the choice of what to write is one of the few freedoms of the artist or craftsman. Language and clarity hem us in all around, in a morass of rules barely remembered, but adhered to religiously; screw anyone who has a problem with the *what*. They can choose what to read, or write what they want to read themselves. Bah.

I really think that no one should ever be ashamed. Shame is for people who are too afraid of what others think of them, and thus adapt to what their little subset of society says they should be/do/feel/think/believe. It's a by-product of peer pressure and limits one's creativity, imagination, and desires.

My belief is that if you're going to try to shrug something off, no matter what it is, you have to know deep inside that you're *able* to do so. Otherwise, it'll eat at you and keep hurting till you get it out, by which time it might have grown and become more powerful than it was at the get-go. This doesn't mean that you have to be snarky, though (this is a big fear of mine. I hate being snarky). I've found that if you just leave it at "I don't agree with you," most of the time you'll feel a lot better. But that's me, and you might not agree. :)

I'm sorry Child is sick. :( Hopefully they'll feel better soon.

Standard response (can't ever go wrong with Queen C): "Pfft. Like shame is something to be proud of."

I just wanted to say I agree with what everyone above me says, that you write beautifully and you have no reason whatsoever to be ashamed. In fact it was you who drew me to write my first fic.

Also, huh? Who said what to make you mad?

Also, hope Child feels better soon!

You know exactly why and how much I think that's crap, right?

And: think about the other writers around you love who write similar stuff. Because you don't think any of them should be ashamed, do you?

Exactly what Erica says. It might not be someone's cup of tea but nothing saying they have to read. No shame.

And no boxing yourself into a corner with what you should write and what you shouldn't write. Write what inspires you babe. You know exactly how I feel about this.

That shit can really throw you, can't it?

And the thing is, no matter how much you know it's crap, it can be really hard to shrug off. Especially if it's someone whose opinion matters to you in other arenas. So yeah, you have no reason to be ashamed at all, but that doesn't mean you won't feel it when someone makes that kind of comment. I tend to get really snarky in response to even the implication I should be ashamed (of not writing fast enough, of not writing well enough, of writing a genre someone else doesn't approve of, etc.), but it still puts me off for a bit. It's a hitch in my step, and it can take me a minute to walk normally again.



Well, I can't offer any consolation regarding the Child being sick or the new job being busy, but as for your writing, there's *nothing* to be ashamed about. Jenn, you're one of the best writers I know, and I've always enjoyed your fic (when in the same fandom, and sometimes, even when not).

She writes with beauty, like the night.

The hell with them for making you feel bad. Would say more if not for this stupid carpal tunnel. Meanwhile, imagine this person in an embarrassing situation and laugh at them mentally.

Who made that one person the Big Jello Sheriff of The Writing Universes, anyway???

Hugs to you, wellness to Child, peace and tranquility to your job-site...

I can certainly commiserate! My dad deduced that I wrote "pornographic stories" (his words), and his disapproval was palpable. He has never breathed a word of our conversation about this to my mom, so I have to gloss over EVERYTHING about my writing around my parents. I can't even imagine what his reaction would be if he learned that I write only gay porn!

How to deal? I just listen to the people who like what I write, and talk about something else (beyond the thing that runs my life and my brain entirely) when I'm talking to my parents...

There is nothing to be ashamed of in what you write. If it was *badly written* then you'd have cause to feel ashamed. But it's not, and saying that it's wrong for you to write the things you do, is like saying it's wrong for you to think diferently than whoever made the comment that upset you. (did that sentence make sense?)

I'm sorry Child is sick. ::hugs::

You should be ashamed. For the big bad gay and all. :|

Are you sure they weren't joking? I mean, I hang shit on you for the popslash thing all the time, but if you posted a fic I'd be all over it and hollering for more. I'd probably even buy an nsync cd. :-O

I think we've all been there, all writers. I sometimes feel so much pressure to write stuff other than the happy relationship-focused things I work on. Like, the constant idea that I am "wasting" my talents somehow. It's a big weight to have hanging over you...

But, you know? Fuck it man, they're MY talents. And I write what I like and what makes me happy and...well, go read the Great American Novel if you don't like it, you know?

And...you do write beautifully. That's never something to be ashamed about. Be proud and be humble and keep moving forward. It's what we do, we writers. :)

Hope you and Child feel better soon!

Please tell me who thought you should be. Please? :(

Pfah. So long as you aren't spending an excessive percentage of your income gratifying them and get out of the house occasionally, there's no reason to be ashamed of any hobby you might choose to have.

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