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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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lines and lines and lines
children of dune - leto 1
Ahh, sleep deprivation. It's good for the soul.

It's my way of merrily trying to break past patterns of behavior. I could always tell I was getting depressed by the amount of time I wanted to sleep. I'm kind of a slave to inertia, usually--when awake, I prefer to stay awake, and when asleep, I prefer never to move again. When I started a downswing, I went to bed earlier and got up much later, and took naps. Now I aggressively pursue wakiness with a kind of scary vigor and almost fall asleep during important meetings. I mean, my head slipped off my arm and came perilously close to hitting the table. It was surreal.

Luckily, the Regional Director was there, and unmarried, and I have a crush. He's probably ten years older than me, but he has all the marks of someone I will have a hopeless crush on. A little dorky, wears jeans well, brilliant, great sense of humor, glasses, spectacular public speaker, amazing energy level, and charisma that makes you want to agree to everything he says. Or makes me want to, anyway. I have no clue how to flirt with someone like that. I have no idea how to not look like a five year old, actually. And God, I'm not a troll, so would it *kill* him to just give me a second look? Please? I'm *right in front of him*. And I'm *not ten*. Stop being so freaking indulgent when I talk.

Hmm. Right. I sound like a teenybopper. This is so sad.

The ten-years-older-thing is throwing me a little, since I tend to fall for younger, but what the hell, we're all about breaking patterns these days.

Anyway, the meeting was to discuss issues with the new program at work. Boring boring boring for those not using it, riveting to us, except coolness that I was one of the two chosen to represent my office, and the chick that came with me made the announcement that I was a trainee for advisor, so I got congratulations from everyone and amusement from the state coordinator, who knows and works with my mom.

*Everyone* knows or has worked with my mom--when I was interviewed, the darn PM was waxing lyrical about my mom. Even the Regional Director, who smiled and called her a fine woman and mentally patted me on the head for following in Mommy's footsteps. Yes, he just reduced me to a ten year old. I'm a puppy for that smile, though. Aww, the state chick said, no surprise you're promoted, we all saw it coming, which considering I didn't, kind of *weird*. I'm beginning to get why people have such high expectations of me. I have massively scary shoes to fill.

It is weird, though. She's been in the agency for years, but it's only now I'm getting what a huge influence she was and is, in policy and in the creation and implementation of the new program. She was a policy specialist before, which means she knew adn interpreted state policy for others. People sometimes tell me how she could make anything make sense, just off the top of her head, because she knew so *much*. I always knew she was smart--she's incredibly, terrifyingly smart, in the theoretical and the practical, with imagination and drive and the ability to make something imaginary become real. So yes, it's fascinating to have a professional level of understanding of what she is. When I start this job, I'll have a personally professional understanding of what she was for years. It's not a little humbling.

Favorite Lines

I would respectfully like to ask for recs for fic, except I'm not sure what kind. I'm not even sure what fandom. And I was thinking of Silvia Kundera's little fic summaries she did last year--anyone have a link to those, btw?

So, instead--I want your favorite lines. You know the ones. The ones that stuck with you and moved you and you loved, loved, loved. That you remember forever after. Yes. *Those*.

Mine are here. Somewhere in my LJ, I swear, I did another set, but damned if I can find it, and it's nowhere on my harddrive that I can find.

So. Anyone?

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*lalalala* More quotes--

It sounds like a moan in the middle of the night, like a car crashing against a bridge, like two destinies finally set up right.

Another quote from "The Proposition"...

"I wanted you to..." he starts. His voice breaks. He coughs hard and wipes over his mouth with the back of his hand. Little sprinkles of blood on his skin. He knows he doesn't have much time left. "I wanted you to..." But he doesn't know what to say. Suddenly, he doesn't remember really. He brushes his bloodied hand over his sleeve again and again.

"I liked your mother," he says instead. He takes another step forward.

Clark nods.

Then he pushes.

With all his strength.

Lex can feel himself flying through the air, just for a second... flying, flying...

~ "People can't fly, Lex." ~

...but that had been just another lie.
--and that'd be another one from "The Crack Inside". I love that passage so much.


"Argh," Harry said succinctly. He tried again. "What do you expect me to do here, Malfoy? Forget everything that's happened in the last five years? Entirely ignore the fact that your father wants me dead? And also, that you hate me and I hate you and that's the way things are?"

"It doesn't have to be," Malfoy said. "And even if it is, think of the shagging, Potter."
From "Take It and Like It", by Sara

The O.C.--

He had never been a romantic. Growing up in a neighborhood where people gave their virginity away like free days at a spa, Seth knew better, but still. He hadn’t expected much, not rose petals or chimes, just a connection that he hadn’t felt to Anna afterwards. It was like once they had sex the spell was broken, instead of the other way around.

Perhaps his fairy godmother had taken the night off.
--From Two Cripples Dancing, by hackthis

And more SV--

Lex doesn't seem to mind, his breathing frantic, as he keeps whispering in Clark's ear, senseless things about beauty and obsession and madness; soft seductive murmurs of being wasted following the lights of the dead, lying stars and deserts full of empty souls. --from "Jailbird", by aelita.

"What will it matter in the next life? He comes to it naked, grinning. Heart in hand.

I never learn, he tells the universe.
--from "Nereus Who Tells No Lies", by spike21

From moonwhip's Secrets:

She woke, later. The light through the window had dimmed. They'd fallen asleep in the
center of the huge bed, a knot of heat and flesh, her head on Lex's chest and Clark's arm
draped over her to rest his palm over Lex's heart. When she wriggled free, Clark only
muttered and rolled closer to Lex. They were more exhausted than she was, she guessed.
They'd just fallen in love.


With Lex safely out of hearing, Clark asks for cinnamon. Lex once said the smell was one of his favorites, and Clark's not sure this is what people mean by spicing up your sex life, but he's getting a little desperate. Desperation will always smell like cinnamon to him.
- From Thamaris' Sixty Miles An Hour

An Incomplete and Somewhat Random List of Fic Quotes...

The small statement hangs in the air and Justin doesn't shy away from it or look embarrassed or ashamed, he just keeps searching for his missing shoe and Brian has to lean one hand on the support column in the middle of the floor, the same one he fucked Justin up against another lifetime ago.

"He what?"

Brian thinks something in his voice must sound peculiar because Justin eyes him strangely and repeats, "He hit me."

Easy Out by ragingpixie

Justin turns groggily toward the soft, feminine voice. "Mom?" he asks, and hears Brian snort from somewhere above him.

"Nope, it's Linds, honey," Lindsay replies.

"Wanna sleep here," Justin mumbles, and turns his face away.

"See?" Brian says. "Kid knows what he wants."

"Oh my God, Brian, just pick him up, please."

Deviation by ragingpixie

“I need to fuck you,” he manages between gritted teeth.

Justin leans in to hiss in his ear. “You want to fuck me?”

Brian nods, swallowing.

“You want to ram me with your cock?” Moving his thigh faster between Brian’s leg. His hand inching down. “Come inside my tight little ass?”


He sticks his hand down the front of Brian’s pants, drags his tongue all the way up his neck. Brian shudders and Justin looks at him. Pauses. Justin swears the whole room stills for that one tiny second. </i>

Ready by juteux

“Fuck,” Brian said, yanking his hands out of his pockets. “Don’t you pull that shit.”

“What?” Justin said, feeling a thrill course through him. At least they could still fight about it. At least they had that.

“We’re fucking miserable, Sunshine,” Brian said. “I have no idea when it happened, but I don’t remember the last time I felt…” he trailed off, waving vaguely but expressively.

“We’re happy,” Justin protested, hearing his own shrillness, knowing the ridiculousness of the words as he spoke them. “We are.”

Worth the Fight by eolianbeck

(continued in next comment)

Re: An Incomplete and Somewhat Random List of Fic Quotes...

(continued from previous comment)

After about five minutes, which is, I'm pretty sure, as long as he'd let me suffer; I started walking towards his voice. He was still at the campsite, and I came up behind him, smiling. Fucking smiling. Until he turned around.

I don't know if I could describe the look on his face in words. I might be able to draw it, but I'm not sure I'd want to. He'd kill me, for one. And for another...really not pleasant. I've never seen such raw fear. I think it made my heart stop for a second. Then it turned to anger- the difference in expression was subtle, but unmistakable- as soon as he registered that I was standing there in front of him, probably with a stupid smirk plastered onto my lips.

"Where the fuck have you been? Did you hear me calling you?" His voice was terrifyingly harsh and cold. I had no idea what to say to explain myself.

Maps and Legends by sparkledark and blaurosen

The movie is forgotten, and the tequila is quickly disappearing. Justin doesn't notice how quickly the tequila is disappearing until the bottle is empty, and he has to get off his ass and get the whiskey from the kitchen. He leaves Brian and Daphne sitting cross-legged on the floor telling dirty jokes and giggling. When he comes back, Daph is sitting close beside Brian and he's murmuring into her ear.

Brian is such a shameless flirt that Justin's not really surprised. He sits down close on Brian's other side, feels Brian's arm slide out automatically and wrap around his waist. He hears snatches of their conversation - the words 'dildo' and 'Mexico' and 'twelve' - but can't be bothered listening to the story. He's pretty sure he's heard it before, so he just takes the whiskey to his lips and feels it burn and slide down his throat.

He watches in fascination when Daphne starts rubbing her fingers over the cowry shells that line Brian's wrist. Her glittery blue nails slide over the pale flesh of Brian's palm, and Justin sees their eyes meet. Smiling and laughing, like they're still sharing the naughty joke. He feels Brian's fingers sliding under his flannel pyjama shirt, and has to kiss him. His lips press against Brian's, and he tastes tequila and whiskey and lemon, cigarettes, the faintest trace of marijuana. When he pulls away, Daphne is gazing at them with wide eyes, her fingers still tracing the lines of Brian's wrist.

Juicy by soundczech

And yet, the way he smiles at me in meetings sometimes. The way he sighs after he comes inside of me. The way he slides his loofah over my back in the shower and talks about confidential office politics while he does it. The way he takes me to dinners at his favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants and walks me through the best areas of the city. The way he looks into my eyes while he fucks me hard enough to break me.

I got the job and the fuck and that’s exactly what Brian didn’t want.

Frankly, he doesn’t strike me as the type of guy who lets this sort of thing slide.

This has to stop before he fires me, or worse…hates me.

There’s only one little problem. I think I love him.

Where There's Heat by negativeerin

(continued in next comment)

Re: An Incomplete and Somewhat Random List of Fic Quotes...

(continued from previous comment)

They were in the pool, Justin leaning against the wall and my dad in front of him, kind of lightly pinning him there with an arm on either side of that wall. There was a bottle of champagne by the side of the pool and two half-filled flutes next to it and some olden-days jazz music playing on the sound system which pissed me off. The last couple of times I had people over, Dad said the sound system wasn't working. What a fuckin' liar!

The words didn't register at the time, but I heard them talking as I moved closer.

"I can still fuck you all night long."

"Then quit talkin' about it, Mr. Kinney and get to it."

"You don't want me talking about how slick and tight and hot your ho..."

"Aw, Jesus! You're naked!" I squawked when I was finally close enough to see.

Dad and Justin both jumped a foot. "Jesus fucking Christ what the fuck are you doing here?" my dad yelled. Justin's eyes were wide with shock, but a second later he was laughing his ass off.

Growing Up Kinney by myrna1_2_3

"Why is my arm sticky?" Brian held up his right arm as best he could, considering that his limbs felt like they'd all been broken off and reattached with scotch tape.

Justin frowned. "You don't remember?"

"If it's something embarrassing, don't tell me, and forget I ever did it."

"Okay," Justin responded quickly. "But you're going to have to find the two other guys and make them promise too."

"Two other guys?"

"And the midget," Justin said as he moved closer, his face against Brian's cheek, and one arm stretched over his chest. "And the goats."

Wild Fantasies by valerie_z

Favorite line:

From "Nature vs. Culture" by Ces...
The point is,> Blair thought weakly, breathing more shallowly as the pain subsided,
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<that [...] true.>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Favorite line:

From "Nature vs. Culture" by Ces...
<i>The point is,> Blair thought weakly, breathing more shallowly as the pain subsided, <that people will keep saying that you can't change the spots on a leopard long after it ceases to be true. And that's culture, man... and culture has nature by the balls.> </i>

The thing is, this is my <i>life</i>. This is what I <i>do</i>. I delevop vaccines for a living. Which save millions of lives every year. And yet there are still some ignorant buffoons out there who think vaccines are *poison* and won't take them or give them to their children. And then, surprise!, their childen get sick. *facepalms*

Sorry, the quote got fucked up.

The point is, Blair thought weakly, breathing more shallowly as the pain subsided, that people will keep saying that you can't change the spots on a leopard long after it ceases to be true. And that's culture, man... and culture has nature by the balls.

Ooh, the quote game. I love this game.

In the dark, with previews flashing across the screen and Blair's hand reaching for popcorn, Jim allowed himself to feel almost what he wanted to feel. *Almost* was the nature of his relationship with Blair. He wanted something like this, but better. Not much better, because this was damn good, but more honest. This was so close, though, in its imperfect way; they were close, Blair's arm moving across his lap, Jim tipping the bag, neither of them intent on the other but with gaze to screen, the motion of Blair's fingers in the popcorn carrying in tiny shifts through the bag, the clumsy rhythms of foraging transmitted to Jim's thigh, the smell of butter and Blair's nearness, nearness like a date. He could have put his arm around Blair's shoulders, but would never dare.
By the time the movie ended, their fingers were tightly entwined, a cramp of anxious need from Blair that Jim responded to without thinking. He was not aroused, but desire suffused his body. The death he'd witnessed left him cold, but Blair's knuckles were like rough jewels wedged against his own.

A Long Time Looking, by Anna S, "The Sentinel." (eliade).

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