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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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waiting
seperis
My sister got her wedding dress today. She was that unreal kind of beauty that makes one (me) feel the need to shower to remove the grubby from self. Very depressing. But she was amazing, which is of course what counts, and I kind of wish that she'd made us try on the bridesmaid's dresses after all so I could roam closer to bitter with reason. She's putting me in lavender and I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, I do know how I feel about that, but there are no polite words to describe it.

Though I suppose there never really was a chance of going for stark black. Oh well.

Anyway, she's decided on a wedding brunch outside, family and close friends-ish, and somehow, Weird Guy that I work with that used to semi-stalk asked to be my date. I stared up at him and asked if his girlfriend would mind. No, of course not, he assured me. She knows *all* about you.

Ah, I said blankly. There really aren't word for moments like this one.

I think I'll take Vannezsa. My mom's side of the family is very, very Christian and I have this horrible suspicion they might get me drunk and marry me off if I bring a guy and there's a convenient minister right there. Sister has relieved them all with her ending of her sinning ways, but I'm still reprobating around.

Someone, remind me not to drink at the wedding. After all, there *will* be unmarried males there.

*worries*

My youngest sister and her boyfriend are possibly moving toward Dallas, which I'm encouraging highly. Sister says, if they leave, it will never work out. We should stop her. She's insane. She's making a mistake. She's going to regret it.

So the hell *what* if it doesn't work out? Most things don't work out, but you should damn well have the fun of failing than sitting in safety, thinking, I wish. I have Huge Issues with people refusing to do something on the possibility of it Not Working. Journeys are more important than destinations. You spend a lot more time journeying than destinizing.

More people should live by this philosophy. Hell, I should live by this philosophy, but I'm suddenly a tax paying citizen getting this beautiful income tax return and raising Child, and most of my adventurous moments are best enjoyed in text form. At least then, I can do it in my pajamas. And I have an indecent number of pajamas.

Still, though.... I'm thinking I'm going to take a chance soon. Planning it seems kind of stupid, so I'll just wait until an insanely stupid opportunity presents itself. Something idiotic and impossible and ridiculous. And I'll fail. Then I'll recolor my hair and like the world again. We shall, I think, go for the reddest red ever. Something in apple, maybe.

I did, however, recently have an Adventure By Proxy moment, better known as, when fanfic, TV, and reality combine.

Client and Friend come to the window to apply and he's one of those people just naturally funny and so we were chatting while I did my thing. Anyway, he and friend carried on conversation for my benefit, and it was...well, let me try and reproduce.

"No kids," Client says with huge, dramatic sigh. "Gave up custody."

Friend pats him. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault."

It was time for my line. "What happened?"

"Wife left me." Huge, huge dramatic sigh.

"It's not your fault," Friend comforts, patting Client's shoulder, "that she moved out of state and became a lesbian."

Man, and you think you only see this stuff on TV. I've got to pay more attention at the window. They were fun as hell. I missed them when I had to assign them out. If only everyone was so interesting. I usually get stuck between pity and frustration with people who insist on having a child a year.

My ovaries ache just thinking about it.

I did find out that I'm considered a little snobby, which is an unfortunate side effect of my life to date. There was a going away party at a nice bar for two of our clerks who are leaving (the sitch that's been giving me nightmares, as most who read this LJ know) after work. I couldn't go--well, I chose not to go. Child doesn't have me around enough, and I'm--well, I'm *tired*. My commute is long enough that even an hour more sucks time away from everything else I have to get done. So yeah, I'm not sharing the bonding with the coworkers like I should, and that does hurt. I want them to like me to a really unhealthy degree. I usually think, later. When I live closer, when Child is older, and when he doesn't lose me every other Saturday monrning as well. But Later doesn't really help Now at all.

I'm very, very tired of Later.



In other news, we have two more people quitting--er, resigning for better positions. Oh shock. New clerks coming in. They were hired practically out of the testing center room. New workers on the 25 of February, fifteen. I'm predicting now.

Clerks--three will be gone by September.

Workers--two leave for anything else (including interviewing in the agency for other jobs), four transfers, two firings, with a margin of error of two. That doesn't include the people we have now, two of whom I'm guessing will be history come September. Possibly three.

No one transfers to my office, except the ones who are suicidal. Our turnover is the highest in the state, at close to a hundred percent in a two year period. It has been for many, many years. You'd think, just maybe, that this might be a statement of problems inherent in the office. I'm beginning to think about the whys--I mean, in theory, I think that the poverty level is higher with us, one, and two, we've had, over the years, a lot of too-competent people who get in, get incredibly horrified, and leave as fast as their feet can go. One of the unit supervisor's just got a better position, and it's getting to the point where stability is something no one remembers. It's a nasty catch-22, actually--people get away because it's so bad, but it's *gotten* that bad because of people leaving.

Stability is important, but more important than that is a link to the past. New is good, but constant new is not. A constant stream of new is unadjustable. We don't *have* a standard policy because policy changes every time management changes. If I were queen of the universe--or could make these kind of decisions--there are three thins I would do off the bat.

Get all supervisors and worker fours in one room, along with the two most experienced clerks, and bang out a standard office procedure covering everything, and I damn well mean *everything*. No fucking conflicting orders.

Get everyone in a room and standardize office procedure, with no changes for six months. And enforce it. When I say enforce, I mean, sit on the asses of the dissenters and make them understand that this is the Way, and do it. Even if it's bad, and if they put it together using input from everyone, it won't be, a constant response is better than one that varies from client to client to client. I didn't used to think like that. Now I do.

Beg, borrow, or steal experienced people from other offices for six months--you see my refrain here? I'm high on the sixes. Get the office into a stable routine and a comfort level. We're getting *fifteen* trainees. We don't even have that many experienced workers. We will, in fact, have a ratio of one to three. This has disaster written all over it unless they are extraordinary, and only one I met qualified as anything close.

Personally, if I ruled the universe, I'd force a two month extension for everyone on benefits, though that would screw with the entire system, but it would give breathing room in a huge way.

I swear, if I knew a single doctoral candidate studying business models, I'd send her to us for the dissertation. They'd make their doctorate on the sheer nightmare my office is.

The thing is--I like everyone there. More some than others, but I like the way everyone works together. Just too often, we don't know how. I'm beginning to think I might not leave--I download the other positions that are opening up, and with my record, I'd probably get any one of them I wanted. I just keep putting it off until the deadline passes--I'm good at that. I had to force myself to turn in my college application, and I did it while working, since it tricked me a little into not thinking about what I'll do if they need me. I also have to do my fafsa, though technically, I think I could probably pull off paying for everything myself, but I'll still try for the grants.

There really *is* no addiction like need. It works on every damn level I know of, and it blows my mind that every time I begin to get antsy, it's like, they know *just* what to do or say to make it right. Just this approval that I want to bathe in, and I always knew I was a genuine whore for approval, but I had *no* idea I was like this.

And goddammit, I wish clients wouldn't just stand in my window looking at me with these knowing eyes, because someoen told them (and when I find out who spread these nasty rumors, I'm so going to get them for this one) that I can and will, when pushed, go a hell of a distance to fix something if I can. Up to and including calling my *mother* to look at a case over the computer so I can tell them something.


Fandom

rivkat once again does her damndest for the Clex. No one, and I mean no one, does it like she does it.

Golden Rule by RivkaT. As usual, she does an incredible job of writing both boys, and she plays with cliches like an artist, taking one and making it so fascinating you are riveted beyond belief. See, I knew it was a mistake to click on the link.

Clark is very Clark--the Clark I love and cuddle and want to protect from everything, because he hurts himself worse than anyone else ever could. Lex is wonderfully rich, with all those carefully hidden vulnerabilities and essential honesty written into every pore of his skin. And it's great, great. No spoilers. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Four Things That Canon Will Not Abide by mobiusklein, the name I cannot spell, but must paste. Hysterical. Raises Lana hate to the finest art. And so much *fun*. I always forget this writer does the best parodies.

Anyway. That was relaxing and productive. I should reward myself with hot chocolate now.


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Feel grateful on the lilac-

I have a bridesmaid dress in the back of my closet that is... salmon? a Bright not quite flourescent salmon.
And I have great amounts of sympathy for you- as I dreaded my cousin's wedding for just the same reasons- that every family member was looking to attach me to some single guy. And then cousin sits a male-friend of hers that I had met and sorta drunkenly kissed many years previously at my families table- between myself & my Grandma. Talk about awkward. And open bars & wedding receptions while wearing a bridesmaid's dress are just a lethal combination. :-)
Good Luck!

She's putting me in lavender and I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, I do know how I feel about that, but there are no polite words to describe it.


And yet, my first reaction to that? You're a Luthorcorp bridesmaid. ... I make my own fun. *g*

Oooh, and SV recs. Just what I was in the mood for. As for the work stuff... *hugs*

My sympathies on the workplace -- the last full time job I had was at a badly organized place with a high turnover rate, though our organization problems had less to do with the turnover itself and more to do with supervisors who weren't even on our shift making pointless annoying changes while refusing us the changes we wanted to make...

As for the wedding, seems like half the people on my friends' list lately have been either planning a wedding or getting ready to attend one. My own sister told me that she and her boyfriend are thinking of maybe doing a Vegas quickie marriage next month to tide them over until the Halloween wedding they've been planning on. I'm rather smug about the Halloween bit -- it means goth bridesmaid dresses...

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