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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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svfic: somewhere i have never travelled, 3 (WAS Um. I'll stop posting after this, I swear)
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Okay, everyone knows when this happens. You get this idea and you just can't stop. So in between dinner, brownies, wrapping presents, and turning on all the Christmas lights (yes, the fuses still work), more.

I'm in such a good mood. And this could so be getting too silly. And I honest to God don't care.

I am wearing a santa hat. The merriness continues so very, very merrily. With bells.

And, um, teddy bears.



There's almost an entire week where Clark wonders if Lex has finally begun to deserve the title 'insane'.

Lois isn't helping, either.

First day back at work, there are flowers on the desk. Large, obvious, former-nemeses-don't-send-stuff-like-this flowers. Huge red roses, and yeah, Mom's querying email asking why on earth Lex was singlehandedly buying out Smallville's flower population hit him by the third day, when sunflowers make a shocking appearance on every inch of his desk.

By Thursday, Clark only sighs when he sees the orchids. Apparently, Smallville's tapped. Metropolis florists are now under siege.

"You know," Lois says thoughtfully, leaning down to take a sniff from the orchids, eyebrows raised, "he never sent me flowers."

"He sent tulips," Clark answers rebelliously, staring at the dizzying array of flora littering his desk. "You said he sent you tulips."

"That's how he confirmed I'd broken up with him." Head tilted, Lois leans into the desk, fingernails tapping an irregular rhythm on the wood. "You know the MO."

"Yep." Tulips are remnants of Victoria, because Lex has a truly, truly bizarre sense of humor. Pushing aside the solid crystal vase, Clark buries his head in his arms. "He's trying to drive me insane."

"I'd say he's doing the unheard-of and asking for a date." Oh yeah, she's enjoying this far, far too much. "Did you finish up that article for Perry?"

"On the city council? Done and done." Leaning back, Clark surveys his desk. "Lex doesn't ask for anything."

"It's like a funeral, isn't it?" she says brightly. Oh fuck you, Lois. "Except in reverse. Check your livefeed later on. NASA's doing a press conference on the meter shower. So far, ETA is ten days or so. The biggest fragment recorded is apparently the size of the old LuthorCorp headquarters, but there's talk about destroying it before it reaches Earth. The Justice League is making noises about going out to check on this itself."

Clark makes a noise that sounds just a little petulant. Okay, really petulant. He's a spoiled rotten brat that's being--being--being *flirted* with via flora. Semi-publicly. Lois is right and wrong--this isn't Lex asking for a date, per se. This is Lex laying fucking siege. Faintly, the elevator pings in the distance, reminding Clark he has two stories to at least pretend to work on and not obsess about the bizarrity of his love life.

Such as it is.

"Yeah, I got an email from Br--Batman." Lois looks interested at his almost-slip. She's going to figure it out. He pities Bruce the day she does.

"For Superman?"

"For Superman." One of a thousand times Clark is glad that his identity was kept secret even there. Don't ask, don't tell. Like the military, except, well--the Justice League really hadn't *wanted* to know. It was enough Superman showed up on time like a good little trooper to save the world. "He thinks Superman is--oh hell, who knows what Batman thinks?"

"About the latest latex polymers, I'd say." The tip of a pink tongue slinks out, resting lightly on her lip, eyes going distant and interested. Oh, he pities Bruce. Selena, too. Taking a breath, Clark shoves his chair back. "Who's covering the NASA press conference?"

"Chloe for The Inquisitor, Ralph for The Daily Planet. Jimmy went with, so if all else fails, we'll have good pictures." Glancing up, Lois freezes, and he watches the pretty red mouth drop briefly, then shiver, like she's fighting something else.

That--that is a smirk. Oh Jesus Christ.

Slowly turning, Clark watches what appears to be a grizzly bear on a dolly being worked across the floor. There's a bow around its neck.

"Lois," Clark says slowly, carefully, "tell me you just had a really bad date with someone who thinks you're a goddess or something."

"Not--recently." She sucks in a slow breath, eyes narrowing thoughtfully. "I think it's carrying a box. In its paws."

This isn't happening. People are gathering along the aisles to watch, work coming to a scary, grinding halt as everyone gathers to watch the most bizarre, and smallest, parade in history. The poor delivery guy is all shades of red.

Let Melinda have had a fight with her boyfriend. Let Jerry have had a fight with *his* boyfriend. Let someone, anyone, please, be expecting a six foot--Jesus Christ, that's a teddy bear with a purple bow.

"I'm going to kill him." Clark isn't sure how, but a variety of interesting possiblities emerge. He was Lex Luthor's best friend for four years, after all. He knows things.

"Kent!"

Lois spins in one of those perfect arcs of motion that even Superman couldn't have duplicated, and she does it on six inch stilettos. Leaning into the desk, they both watch Perry descend from his office like the wrath of God, mouth twitching.

Is he anti-bear?

"You have an interview at one." A paper is thrust onto the desk, vases crash, scattering orchids like ants making a run for cover, and Lois leaps gracefully from a spill of water that soaks the floor. Clark watches the slow, careful drip, because he knows Lex, Lex knows this office, and this is so very well timed Clark's teeth ache.

"Interview." Lois says it for him. She's not laughing, but only because Perry's here.

"Delivery for Mr. Clark Kent," the delivery boy says far too clearly, and Clark closes his eyes. This can't be happening to him.

"Kent?"

"Yes sir?" Perry doesn't have a sense of humor. At least, not one that exists on any plane Clark's ever heard of. There's a horrifying second where Clark thinks Perry will comment on the flora and stuffed fauna currently taking up important Planet space, but he only smiles.

It's as unnatural as anything Clark's ever heard of, and that includes Lois wearing off-the-rack.

"Good job getting an interview with Luthor. Don't be late."

And lo, he walks away, leaving shock in his wake. Lois looks around the room, eyebrows raised, daring anyone to say a single word. Any word. Instantly, blissful noise results as people throw themselves into busy, important work, like there isn't a giant stuffed teddy bear beside Clark's desk and he didn't just get an interview with a man harder to get hold of than the average corpse.

With a trembling hand, Clark picks up the paper, wincing at a paper cut. Humanity is beginning to seriously, seriously suck.

A chair rolls over, and Lois is sitting neatly beside his desk, like it's any day in the world. Moving a vase aside and pushing a few stray, wet orchids from a comfortable place to put her elbow, the dark eyes fix on him.

"'Lois, you have a dirty mind. We never did anything.'" Her voice drops, low, husky, and very possibly what makes men, including Lex once upon a time, lay down so she can walk on them in her designer heels. It's sex. "Let me think here--right. 'Lois, we're enemies--'"

"We are!" Obviously, when Clark became human, a warp in space/time developed and Clark has been transplanted here. Where there exists six foot teddy bears, and where does someone *shop* for those anyway? "We really, really are."

Studying her nails, Lois sighs softly. "I suppose I should tell you--" And the bitch stops.

"I'm going to call Chloe and tell her to set you up on another blind date," Clark snaps, and that is The Threat. The one that even Lois can't possibly ignore, because she remembers the last guy Chloe set her up with, and so does Clark. Bruce Wayne hadn't appealed in the least.

And that reminds him--she's going to kill him when she finds out the truth. Note that again. Now he's not invulnerable. He'll have to watch for her heels.

"You're playing dirty."

"I love you, too. Spill."

She shrugs beautifully, tossing back dark hair and giving him the most serious, studious reporter-look in creation. The kind that Clark knows from experience means terrible, terrible things. Terrible things.

"Just a rumor."

Clakr grits his teeth and that makes his jaw aches. Oh damn, this day sucks.

"What. Is. The. Rumor."

The sparkle sends hope crashing to the ground. Though what he was hoping for, he really has no idea.

"From Luthor's personal secretary, reservations were made at 'Glass House'. Seven o'clock. And yes, those are chocolates!" Standing up, she swishes by him in a cloud of Christian Dior and silk, removing the box from the bear. Turning around, she slowly pulls open the gold thread from the heavy black box, carefully removes the cover, and takes out one perfect chocolate. "Wanna know what name?"

It's strange, that a variety of possibilities are assaulting him and not one, he knows, will be the right answer. He watches with a sinking feeling as she bites into the chocolate, a long line of caramel slinking out like something in a really classy porn film. Chewing slowly, she watches him melt into his chair.

"Clark, does the name 'Warrior Angel' ring any bells?" She watches his expression with every indication of pure satisfaction. "Get your gear, Kent. I'll take you to lunch and drop you off at LexCorp Towers on the way back."

Staring helplessly, Clark looks for words that don't exist. Licking his lips, he forces something out. Anything at all.

"I need someone to pick me up."

Lois grins, indicating the bear with a flicker of red painted nails. Evil. Damn. Evil. "I think you're spoken for, Smallville. Let's get moving."

*****



*wanders off to make more cookies*


I will marry this version of Lois. And Lex. And even poor, nervous, helpless, hapless, human Clark.

And you, too.

Are you all available? My family is all gathered for the holidays and can attend the ceremony. My dowry is an icon community, a really kick-ass bathroom with a large jacuzzi tub, and an amazing recipe for shrimp dip. What more could the ... five ... of us want?

*thinking* I like jacuzzis. So do the boys and Lois. And the icon community is a HUGE selling point.

I'm bordering Mary Sue with Lois big time. This is far, far too much fun. *grins and hugs*

Thanks so much!

You can't stop *now*!!

I'm at least as confused as Clark. Why is Lois enabling her ex-boyfriend's seduction of her fiancee? Does she plan to play, too? Is she seeing Perry on the side?

And, hey! with my cunning insight I see we haven't had a BJ yet.

Re: You can't stop *now*!!

I don't know if they're actually engaged.

"You're engaged to Miss Lane. I put two and two together."

Oh. Not exactly two and two, except in Lexworld, where weird yet strangely right conclusions could be leaped to without anything as irrelevant as actual evidence.


The 'strangely right' conclusion is about Clark giving up his powers, not necessarily about the engagement. And --

She's still the most beautiful woman he's ever met. "Who told Luthor we were engaged?"

"I was going to ask you the same question." It makes Clark really wonder what the mail staff at The Planet does during downtime. Seriously. The gossip that comes out of there blows his mind. "Has Chloe said something?"

"Probably." She shrugs. "If you're not going to tell her the truth, Clark--"

"Which part? She just thinks I'm sick, right?"


That seems to me like their 'engagement' is more in the minds of others rather than a fact.

The Lois/Clark interactions read more to me like while they're very close, and possibly even involved, that both know that their apparent 'inevitable couple'-ness is more image than reality. Lois seems to be very self-aware, to know that she doesn't want an all-consuming, exclusive relationship right now and that even if she did, Clark isn't the one to have it with. Clark, for his part, seems to have Lois up on a scary/sexy pedestal -- a position that precludes that sort of relationship.

Mainly, I'm reading the Lois/Clark relationship through Lois's reactions to the Lex/Clark relationship. If she were actually invested in Clark as anything other than a really good friend, she would behave differently. Therefore, since neither Lois nor Clark has stated explicitly that they are engaged, I don't believe that they are.

(Of course, Jenn, you could clear it all up in Part 4, right? Right?)

Ladies and gentlemen,

Jenn is trying to kill us slowly. And its working. And I like it.

That is all.

Ilexa

As long as you like it, of course, I'm good. *hugs* Thanks!

Re: ilexa Expand
And lo, he walks away, leaving shock in his wake. Lois looks around the room, eyebrows raised, daring anyone to say a single word. Any word. Instantly, blissful noise results as people throw themselves into busy, important work, like there isn't a giant stuffed teddy bear beside Clark's desk and he didn't just get an interview with a man harder to get hold of than the average corpse.

I adore you.

Teddy bears!

I can't wait to see what happens next.

Teddy Bears are taking over my life. Or at least my neuroses. *Grins* Thanks for the comments! *hugs*

Um. I'll stop posting after this, I swear

Um...no, really, don't stop. Please?

As quickly as egrerious amounts of sweets allow. *grins* Glad you like!

"I need someone to pick me up."

Lois grins, indicating the bear with a flicker of red painted nails. Evil. Damn. Evil. "I think you're spoken for, Smallville. Let's get moving."


*chokes* From the depths of mutation pain to the heights of vengeance-ridden and funny as hell courtship, this thing rocks. My first title suggestion is "Being Human," sucky movie, good title. My second is "Rendering Death and Forever," from the e. e. cummings' poem "Somewhere I Have Never Travelled," which makes mention of roses. Rilke has several poems that mention various flowers. Let me know if I'm going in the wrong direction with this.

Also, I umm...posted the Thing in my lj, if you wanted to read it all. I think I'm going to say it's all Jack's fault.

*grins*

And we have a title. *hugs* I'll post it with the next installment. You and Caroline ROCK. And thanks! Glad you're enjoying the story!

More? Please?*begs prettily*
Please? *smile starts to falter*
PleasePleasePlease???*desperation sets in*

...thank you.

*huggles* Thanks! Very soon. I meant to do it last night, but Beth scared me and wrapping presents destroyed my fingers capability of moving. *grins*

...I'm all kinds of delighted about Lex laying siege, that whole increasingly public thing, instead of having to have everything under wraps—one of the benefits of futurefic, I think. And Lois is wonderful, and I love her beating up on poor Clark, and there's the 'Lois spins in one of those perfect arcs of motion that even Superman couldn't have duplicated, and she does it on six inch stilettos' that reminds me of 'Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except in high heels and backwards' in a very nice way. Victoria/tulips was a nice touch, and 'a man harder to get hold of than the average corpse,' ha! Look forward to seeing more (and one of these days I'll get around to making a happy Lex icon, but in the meantime, please consider the spirit there).

spins in one of those perfect arcs of motion that even Superman couldn't have duplicated, and she does it on six inch stilettos' that reminds me of 'Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except in high heels and backwards' in a very nice way

It is a nice line, but an investigative journalist in six-inch stilettos? Not even Carrie Bradshaw wears shoes with that high a heel, and she doesn't have to spend half as much time on her feet as someone with Lois Lane's job would. Sure, I believe that a man can fly, but not that a woman can cover a beat in those shoes!

Otherwise, count me among the confused but definitely intrigued...

(Deleted comment)
*laughs* I"m enjoying the shape it's taken.

Thanks for the suggestions. Now I want to read the stuff you quoted.

though Self-Tormentor is appealing to me in a LOT of ways...

*hugs* Thanks, chica.

the teddy bear thing is starting to scare me, jenn. all of us. when are you available for an intervention?

other than that, love the story. but, i too thought clark and lois were together. did we miss the break up?

*from behind barricade of teddy bear icons* Sorry, can't hear you? Intervention what?

other than that, love the story. but, i too thought clark and lois were together. did we miss the break up?

*thinks* No. Definitely not.

*hugs* Glad you like, babe. And thanks so much for the comments!

Count me in with the slightly confused/muchly intrigued/desperately seeking more category. *g* Can't wait to see where this is going.

Hee! THanks! More soon, promise. *hugs*

oh no no no, don't stop!
I am loving every minute of it.

Serial writing is addictive. *shakes head* Thanks for commenting! I'm having a LOT of fun.

This is absolutely brilliant.

Clark makes a noise that sounds just a little petulant. Okay, really petulant. He's a spoiled rotten brat that's being--being--being *flirted* with via flora. Semi-publicly. Lois is right and wrong--this isn't Lex asking for a date, per se. This is Lex laying fucking siege.

Heh. Poor Clark doesn't stand a chance. And Lois is so evil it's delicious (considering that I don't usually like Lois that's my way of saying you're doing the best representation of Lois I've seen in years *g*).

Let Melinda have had a fight with her boyfriend. Let Jerry have had a fight with *his* boyfriend. Let someone, anyone, please, be expecting a six foot--Jesus Christ, that's a teddy bear with a purple bow.

"I'm going to kill him." Clark isn't sure how, but a variety of interesting possiblities emerge. He was Lex Luthor's best friend for four years, after all. He knows things.


Purple bow? Warrior Angel? I'm never reading your fics at work any more. *g* My co-workers must think I'm either insane (laughing for no apparent reason) or have pneumonia (well, I'm trying to cover all that laughing with coughing).

I can't wait to see more.

*giggles* The bow was the giveaway, wasn't it?

I like Lois. A friend use to write fic for Lois and Clark and she gave me the taste for it. I am going to Mary Sue her most likely. *grins* But she's FUN!

Hee. Thanks for feedback! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!

Oh god!!!! That's so brilliant! I'm dying over here!!!

I can't wait to see what Lex pulls next, especially now that he has Clark in his oh-so-sexy clutches. Clark is so doomed! And he's going to love every minute of it...once he gets over the trama!!!! And Lois will be waiting with all her snarkiness when he gets back...this is great!!!!

Can't wait for the next part!

Mara Celes

*blinks* Did my asnwer disappear into teh ether?????

Mean LJ! No fruitcake cookies for YOU.

*grins* Anyway, thanks! Hee, it's been far, far too much fun. *hugs*

Delicious

(Anonymous)
This is just so very good. And fun. And has Batman, orchids, six-foot purple-bowed teddy bears and Warrior Angel in one fic... Why did Clark dump his powers anyway?

thorn

Fun is what I live for. My thanks. *g*

I'm working on Clark. He's being less annoying than usual. its' very odd. *shakes head*