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The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation

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fangirl squeeing
children of dune - leto 1
And another rec. Ah, so it shows I'm going through my back friends list as quickly as possible, doesn't it?

Love or Something Like It by ragingpixie

Oh my God this was good and I missed it and that makes me want to cry in vexation, but I won't, 'cause it made my Saturday morning so much brighter.

So few people can make Brian this--vivid. Being in love has to be its own special kind of hell for him. There aren't any rules. If there are, they change often. It doesn't *fit* into his life.

And he knows it.

Sometimes, though … sometimes Brian muses. Mostly when he’s tired. Scenarios flicker before him and his brain takes them out of context, down avenues of Maybe and What Could Have Happened and If Only.


Here is where Brian sometimes tries to say what Justin wants him to, because Brian wants there to be just one fucking time that he doesn’t have to look back on and wonder how it could have been Different.

*sniffs* It hurts and it's so true and it's so, so very good. *Dammit*.

Go. Read. Right now. Because you really have no excuse *not* to. Yes, that includes you who don't like B/J. *smiles sweetly*


Fangirl Moments

Someone on my comments was talking about their experience with a writer, and I started thinking about the authors I've fangirled with all my wee fangirly scariness. I never got a chance in Voyager--I wasn't in the social side of the fandom, if there was one, so I tended to worship quietly from afar. In X-Men, unfortunately, Diebin was offline when I started promising her babies and I could only do it over email, which is less than completely satisfying, since part of the real fun of stalking down your idols is to capture them on AIM and make them listen to you drooling copiously about their work.

Ah, but then there was Smallville, slash awakening, and thete1.

I'm a *scary* fangirl.

But also, a freaksome one. I think it took her three AIM convos to coax more than multi-syllable agreement out of me.

Te: It's a nice day.
Jenn: *inner squeeing* Oh yes, defintely, great day.
Te: How is everything going?
Jenn: *more inner squeeing* Wonderful.
Te: The sky is bright neon green and I think I see aliens invading.
Jenn: *worshipful typing* I totally agree.
Te: What are you doing?
Jenn: *hopeful* What do you want me to do?
Te: Are you okay?
Jenn: Would you like me to worship your socks?

Yeeah. *facepalms*

Honestly, I think she coaxed me into writing in AIM just to see if I could do something beside tell her how wonderful she was at length, and did you know I used to SPELLCHECK my AIM messages before sending?

Yes, for those of you who are on AIM regularly, I spellchecked back then. I don't spellcheck my LJ for God's sake.


But anyway, if anyone wants to know the *real* origin of Dust? Besides my two months of musing on Clark going wrong and all that religious symbolism I'd been wanting to use forever?

I wanted to impress Te.

I'm actually pretty proud of that one. I can't think of anyone off the top of my head that could pin me for ten days in AIM and make me write that the clip I was going at then.

But seriously, who could *blame* me? Okay, everyone on AIM with me at the same time, who possibly, just possibly, got Very Damned Tired of me squeeing "Te said this! Te said that! Te invented the wheel! Te knows my name! Te knows EVERYTHING! OMG SHE'S TALKING TO ME RIGHT NOW!@@@@@!!!!"

The scary part is, I'd accidentally AIM this to Te sometimes and strangely enough, she didn't block me immediately.

Even more strangely, I still say the same things now. I just learned to do it more subtly.

It's weird, though, what does it, when you just fall desperately, fannishly enslaved, though I suppose it's understandable. I tend to fall hard for the first brilliant author I run across in any fandom--and I also tend to be fairly monogamous, One True Author. In other words, if I'm fangirlling *you*, you don't need to worry I'm slutting around the fandom or anything. Oh no. All that frightening attention and focus is all on you.

I suppose it's just luck basingstoke never ran across me right after she posted her Five Things fic, the first, the original, the story that started a cross-fandom trend that we still feel to this day.

Oh, you don't know The Story?

Five Things That Aren't True by basingstoke. Smallville, a few crossovers, beautiful.

At least, as far as I know, that was the first.

I'm just curious if anyone else has ever, ever sank to those depths of bizarrity when they fangirl. Come on, ante up.

I'm so avoiding productivity here. Help me avoid it more.

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*giggles* Yes. Just like that. *flushes* I say epically stupid things *at length*. It's a shock people talk to me anymore.

okay so the last time i commented in your journal was to squee over "Somewhere I Have Never Traveled" and really I'm going to blame my sudden bravery on the pain meds but my fangirl moment went something like this...

Friend: Whoa. Did you see Jenn friended you?
Me: WHAT??
Friend: Yeah. Check your profile. Dude *Jenn* friended you. What did you do?
Me: Just sent her feedback on something and a cover for it. *blush* So nothing big.
Friend: Well. You're friended.
Me: Oh God. [insert incoherent babbling] You mean she might read my journal? That is so not good because then she'll know i'm a freak.
Friend: Dude. Just friend her back and go back to work.
Me: *hyperventalating*
Friend: Breathing is good too.
Me: Yeah. Breathing. And Jenn friended me. *happy*


*blush* so yeah. fangirling works both ways.

definitely blaming this on the pain medications.

Hee. I had two people do that to me, too. I only knew Jenn from QaF, and they're not in QaF, and I'm like, "Um... yeah?", because I figured I'd be the only one worshipping her.

Friend: "Oh, my god. Jenn recced you."
Me: "Oh, yeah! That was cool."

Yes, that was the first one; someone issued a challenge on that theme a little while after I posted it, around January of this year, and it kind of... stayed.

The original story? Not specifically AU. The form as it is now isn't exactly mine. I *love* the way the form evolved, though, and I wrote a Due South story under the new rules. I'm thinking about a Witchblade one as well.

Oh good, I didn't imagine that bit.

I love the trend. It just translates across so easily and God, it's fun to write and to read. I wonder if Te's updated the archive for them recently. I keep meaning to go over and see what other fandoms have taken it up.

Hee. You started a New Fandom Tradition. Liken unto the drabbles of yore, a fictional format that will continue on forever, amen.

Ahhhhh yes, I am well aquainted with what I call Squeegasams.

I have fangirled, I have drooled and flattered and acted like a total Woob, but I mananged to gain a friend through my Woobness so it all worked out okay.

I fangirl Several people, most know me as an occasional commentor,nothing more. I fangirl *you*...I *heart* You. I also *heart* Te.

I wrote fic, just recently too..it's in my LJ. It is my seccond attempt at fic, it is a short little moment in time piece that is rife with the squick. I would beg you to read it if I wern't terrified that you'd either a. hate it and leave me to sob and scream why god why did I write that trainwreck! or B. Like it and force me to implode which could be very messy.

decisions decisions.

RIFE with squick?

*hopeful* Josselin has taught me the value of squick, as it is *good*. Oh my.

Actually, I totally fangirled you, back in W/R, when I was a wide-eyed newbie. ^_^. I was like, "Oh my god, JENN's beta-ing my story." I think I fell off my chair when you asked me to rewrite One Reason.

Oh please. Your first fic in the fandom was so good it made me sick. All--formatted and well characterized and blah blah blah. VERY annoying.

You know, when I wasn't going YES to having a great author hanging aroudn. And doing the dance of victory and all.

I really should resent you much, much more. Let me think on this.


Oh, write more QaF. Please??????? I squee cutely. Ask anyone.

hehhe... right... fan-girly. *breathes* I get all... hyper when I come across authors I like. I mean, I start composing long e-mails about how much i worship then and can they please, please start write more... hehehe... i'm trying to wean myself off of that habit, because it's probably annoying.

I'm not like this in real life. *beat later* at least not this bad.

*snickers* I do that, too. To Te and Jane St. Clair and Alaire and a few other that got these, like, pages of feedback from me along with slack-jawed adoration. Poor ladies.

It's irresistible.

Ah, but this is how I felt about you after reading 'Dust'. The strength of your writing is what compelled me to add you to my friendslist in those hazy days of early Smallville, just to allow me easy access to your marvel of a brain.

Now that you've moved on to QAF, I keep coming back for the fascinating snippets of your life with Job and Child.

Wow. I didn't really think anyone but me and maybe Bethy were interested in my life. *g* It just got habitual to post when something interesting enough to share happened.

*hugs* That's really sweet and I'm *really* flattered. Thank you.

In the QAF fandom I have to say my greatest fangirl moments have been with you and myrna1_2_3. When you posted a comment about "B.K. and the History of Architecture" I actually did fall off my chair. And when myrna1_2_3 said she liked "Shadows"... I shouted "Oh my God!!" loudly in the public lab and couldn't form a coherent thought for 5 minutes.

*grins* I'm always fond of people who *tell* me what to read, as it saves me so damn much time having to hunt it down myself. And God, that story was amazing. Hell, everything I've seen of yours is amazing.

I love Austria. We are *so* cool.

Oh God! I remember my first AIM convo w/ you, and it was EXACTLY like yours with Te. I was screeeeeaming down the stairs to Mr. Moonshine "I'M TALKING TO JENN!!!!! OMG! IT'S JENN! RIGHT NOW. I'M TALKING TO HER!" He just scratched his head. Tres fangirly. I think you broke me in for talking to Te w/out embarrassing myself. *boggles*

Can't believe I've been in fandom for a year already, and yet I can, because it seems so long ago that I had the first conversation with you.

I leave for school again tomorrow. Just 500 miles to AIM. See you then. *waves*

Tell me you ahve that story finished. I keep wondering what you'll do wtih it and God, this is *so* exciting. I havent' been this excited abotu SV in a long time. You and Dolimir. Just whooo!

I think I'm too invested in the appearance of sanity. I'm an 'adoration from afar' type, and mostly worry that any author I give feedback to will think I'm nuts anyway.


I don't do aim because I worry about being entertaining enough, although I'm constantly told I don't have to be entertaining. "WHAT?! But I have nothing else to offer, man!" heh

And then there's the whole 'time' thing, I've got an average of an entire 2 hours in any given day to rub together for the fun. Rationing is my mantra.

But I relate. Deeply.

*laughs* I know the feeling. I keep thinking one day, I'll wean myself away from AIM. I could sleep normal times, then.

Yet then all the cool kids are there, dammit. Stupid cool kids. *waves fist at them*

Subtle fangirlling. Hmm. That might make my sanity less questionable....

Sweetie, lots of people feel that way about YOU. I've made them talk to you. They still squee about it.

Not me.

I mean, I do, but not just for you. I feel that way about everyone.

I am the perennial newbie. Fear me.

You so need to make that an icon. You have, haven't you?

*grins* Perennial newbie. I love that.

I think I've actively stalked eliade and merryish at various times, because of their writing. Tho I tried to make sure they didn't notice. *g* Also, katallison and killabeez. And I was dumbstruck at my first two cons, surrounded by BNF writers whose work I adored and unable to make conversation with them. (It's true; ask anyone who met me in person in 2000. I didn't speak. *g*) But I'm pretty much over the fangirl crush thing these days. I am fangirly about many writers and their stories, but I can't really say I write to impress anyone, anymore, or am single-focus on any writer in a fandom.

I haven't in QaF, but God, Te still does that to me every damn time. Maybe my One True Crush.

Man, if this doesnt send her running for the mountains, I don't know *what* will. *grins*

::sends dvds/makes site graphics/OnDemand!Icons/fics on command::

I know nothing of sock worshipping. I was supposed to offer to have your children?

::pokes jenn::

Um, you realize that you're a BNF, right? I mean, I know you didn't sign up for it or anything, but it's pretty concrete at this point. Why do you think people (read: me) squee when you provide feedback?

Because I have great icons?

The secret is to get them from other people. Like liviapenn.

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