Love or Something Like It by ragingpixie
Oh my God this was good and I missed it and that makes me want to cry in vexation, but I won't, 'cause it made my Saturday morning so much brighter.
So few people can make Brian this--vivid. Being in love has to be its own special kind of hell for him. There aren't any rules. If there are, they change often. It doesn't *fit* into his life.
And he knows it.
Sometimes, though … sometimes Brian muses. Mostly when he’s tired. Scenarios flicker before him and his brain takes them out of context, down avenues of Maybe and What Could Have Happened and If Only.
Here is where Brian sometimes tries to say what Justin wants him to, because Brian wants there to be just one fucking time that he doesn’t have to look back on and wonder how it could have been Different.
*sniffs* It hurts and it's so true and it's so, so very good. *Dammit*.
Go. Read. Right now. Because you really have no excuse *not* to. Yes, that includes you who don't like B/J. *smiles sweetly*
Someone on my comments was talking about their experience with a writer, and I started thinking about the authors I've fangirled with all my wee fangirly scariness. I never got a chance in Voyager--I wasn't in the social side of the fandom, if there was one, so I tended to worship quietly from afar. In X-Men, unfortunately, Diebin was offline when I started promising her babies and I could only do it over email, which is less than completely satisfying, since part of the real fun of stalking down your idols is to capture them on AIM and make them listen to you drooling copiously about their work.
Ah, but then there was Smallville, slash awakening, and thete1.
I'm a *scary* fangirl.
But also, a freaksome one. I think it took her three AIM convos to coax more than multi-syllable agreement out of me.
Te: It's a nice day.
Jenn: *inner squeeing* Oh yes, defintely, great day.
Te: How is everything going?
Jenn: *more inner squeeing* Wonderful.
Te: The sky is bright neon green and I think I see aliens invading.
Jenn: *worshipful typing* I totally agree.
Te: What are you doing?
Jenn: *hopeful* What do you want me to do?
Te: Are you okay?
Jenn: Would you like me to worship your socks?
Honestly, I think she coaxed me into writing in AIM just to see if I could do something beside tell her how wonderful she was at length, and did you know I used to SPELLCHECK my AIM messages before sending?
Yes, for those of you who are on AIM regularly, I spellchecked back then. I don't spellcheck my LJ for God's sake.
But anyway, if anyone wants to know the *real* origin of Dust? Besides my two months of musing on Clark going wrong and all that religious symbolism I'd been wanting to use forever?
I wanted to impress Te.
I'm actually pretty proud of that one. I can't think of anyone off the top of my head that could pin me for ten days in AIM and make me write that the clip I was going at then.
But seriously, who could *blame* me? Okay, everyone on AIM with me at the same time, who possibly, just possibly, got Very Damned Tired of me squeeing "Te said this! Te said that! Te invented the wheel! Te knows my name! Te knows EVERYTHING! OMG SHE'S TALKING TO ME RIGHT NOW!@@@@@!!!!"
The scary part is, I'd accidentally AIM this to Te sometimes and strangely enough, she didn't block me immediately.
Even more strangely, I still say the same things now. I just learned to do it more subtly.
It's weird, though, what does it, when you just fall desperately, fannishly enslaved, though I suppose it's understandable. I tend to fall hard for the first brilliant author I run across in any fandom--and I also tend to be fairly monogamous, One True Author. In other words, if I'm fangirlling *you*, you don't need to worry I'm slutting around the fandom or anything. Oh no. All that frightening attention and focus is all on you.
I suppose it's just luck basingstoke never ran across me right after she posted her Five Things fic, the first, the original, the story that started a cross-fandom trend that we still feel to this day.
Oh, you don't know The Story?
Five Things That Aren't True by basingstoke. Smallville, a few crossovers, beautiful.
At least, as far as I know, that was the first.
I'm just curious if anyone else has ever, ever sank to those depths of bizarrity when they fangirl. Come on, ante up.
I'm so avoiding productivity here. Help me avoid it more.