Dear President Snow,
You took a perfectly docile, downtrodden, terrified population who willing put their children into a death lottery--which by the way, is actually much harder to get people to do than you seem to think--to en masse use their own bodies to protect others so they can climb trees and bomb a forest. You have inspired them to run towards bullets trying to get you to shoot them--did I mention this is happening in groups?--so they can give the people behind them a chance to blow up a dam.
That is fucking impressive. District 13 has been working on this shit seventy-five years, but you? You destroyed your system in like, under a year.
I also want to mention, though I suspect you don't care, that it no longer matters who wins or loses; the Capitol as you know is so very gone and best case scenario, only a third of the residents will starve to death provided they embrace a bit of cannibalism and know how dead animals become food. Like, anywhere else I'd be relatively sure math says at least some have gardens or know how cows become steak, but truthfully, I have yet to be convinced most of them can even cook or really know what that is other than 'thing that is done before it's on my plate' much less that 'farm to table' sort of elides the number of steps involved for that to happen. Maybe I'm sorely misjudging them but these are people who think the height of entertainment is to kidnap children and force them to murder each other. It's possible I'm wrong about the cannibalism; they may not have any idea people are meat. My bad.
In closing, I'd like to say you have a gift--a genius even--for selecting quite literally the worst possible course of action that combines a.) not achieving your goal like at all with b.) a lack of foresight on par with antegrade amnesia, and c.) doing more to destroy your side of the war than the rebels could possibly manage. Well done.
..for fuck's sake, you can't even manage to poison people without almost killing yourself while doing it! That's just embarrassing.
Sincerely,
Me
So seventy five years: three generations. Glee.
I continue to be amazed Snow can do a pretty damn accurate analysis of Katniss' character and not even once, stop and think "is this chitchat advancing my goals, relevant, or in any way make sense? Wait, why did I even bother doing that? Should I instead at some point consider the rebel leaders as a factor in this rebellion?"
I mean, I'm not amazed; it makes perfect sense. It's the supervillain equivalent of "bitch eating crackers"; intellectually, he should know Katniss isn't actually a problem but he keeps trying to make her one whether she wants to be or not and against astronomical odds succeeds on sheer will. Why? He's still sulking because he didn't like her from the beginning--it's a rare person who can simultaneously be afraid and still be unable to hide the depths of her contempt for this bullshit and worrisome, because fear generally doesn't leave room for much else-- and then she went into the Games and did it all wrong.
On a guess, this is probably why. Buckle up, folks, things are about to get Snowy.
The Games are a fight to the death; that's pretty much their thing. Kill or be killed, murder like a lot or be murdered. She dead refused to be murdery, refused to die despite throwing a forest fire at her--seriously?--and then shoving her at the sociopaths ended with her in a tree, in pain but very not dead nor anywhere close to being so. Someone (he knows who, fuck them) sent her medicine, and then--it had to be a conspiracy--The Districts' Next Child Model shows up--why is she still alive? How? She's precious and tiny, they usually don't last long enough for the audience to get attached--to show Katniss those conveniently placed murder-wasps and exit sociopaths with some prejudice. Katniss gets sick from the wasps, that might...no, fuck it, Tiny Model saves Katniss' life, like this entire 'not playing the games right' is spreading malignant tentacles of fellowship and commonality in suffering and fuck it, empathy.
Katniss goes on to make friends with said Child Model, who is literally the prettiest, sweetest, most photogenic little girl ever born (seriously, Rue's death alone could inspire a few revolutions; I was ready to pick up a sword myself), then her first kill was Rue's murderer (fuck this) after which she spends valuable time sobbing in front of all the cameras over Rue, which is opposite of what you do when someone dies in the Games. At which time any part of the audience who thought Katniss was running because she was cowardly/couldn't kill (and the wasps totally didn't count) got introduced to yeah, boy, she can kill like fast and suddenly are wondering where the hell this is going because if you can murder, you do, that's just how it is.
(Snow knows; it's going straight to hell that's where it's going.)
She's almost killed, then Rue's goddamn district-mate rescues her and kills her attacker because of Rue, and nothing makes sense anymore. So different tact: get her bonded with Peeta by promising two winners--this will totally work, that Rue thing indicates she'd get super murdery for people she likes!--and it works! After everyone's dead, they withdraw the offer: she will kill Peeta (or possibly him her, but seriously, no one believes he either would or honestly even could, come on) and it was a weird Games sure, but things need to be shaken up and it all came out right in the end so that's okay. This is the Games; it's kill or be killed, that's all there is. It's not like there's some other option--
--poison berries and joint suicide, is this a hallucination?
Snow does not see a fairly unorthodox but generally understandable series of events when someone who isn't murdery is placed in that position and decides, yeah, no; he literally can't comprehend that. When someone is in the Games they either a.) become murdery (if they're any good) or die fast (if they're stupid or not inclined toward fighting or tiny and adorable). Katniss didn't die--is, in fact, super good at killing people and apparently can't fucking die, so what reason could she possibly have not to kill like a lot?
Spite. All of it: pure spite.
She's deliberately not doing the Games right because she's just spiteful and wants to spoil everyone's fun. She refuses to brutally murder at random because she knows it will piss him off. She's disrespecting the Capitol and him personally and worse, she gets away with it. People love it and her (and it's not like she's nice or sweet or anything, what the hell is going on?). She not only gets her way--which she only wants because she knows it'll make him mad--everyone loves it when she does. She's rewarded for it!
Snow's point of view is crazypants, but if we assume that's his reality, you can kind of see why he snapped and now assigns to her personal responsibility for pretty much everything. He's spent a lot of time having to see her plastered all over the TV and subject to the Capitol's adulation and he was teh only one who knew all of it was because she was just fucking with him for her own petty reasons. His own granddaughter was styling her hair a la Katniss and that was part of Katniss's plan all along; to turn his granddaughter against him too. Of course she's in charge of the rebellion no matter how little that makes sense--she's that spiteful she'll start a war just to get to him. He'll show her; he can be just as spiteful and start a war too!
Sure, you might think no one is that--whatever the fuck that is--but a reminder: this is the guy who thought firebombing District 12 to solve a problem that didn't exist was mastermind shit the likes of which has not been seen before, but when another District took out a fucking dam--a giant goddamn dam--and all the electricity for the entire city--lights, microwaves, air conditioners/heaters, computer mainframes--he looks engimatically into the distance all 'move and countermove' very 'this is all chess and I am a master', instead of a sane, "...they bombed a fucking dam?????? GET ME MY ENGINEERS AND CAMERAS AND REPORTS HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?". I mean, I don't insist he yell--keep the dignity or something--but some slight interest in the sequence of events maybe? Presumably he goes back to bed because he needs rest so he can plan how to get back at Katniss for the crises of her being on TV again, stop stalking me dammit, I known how I'm gonna get you.
(Note on dam: is Snow aware there's a fair to good chance repairing the dam is going to be a super long term project, since I suspect the people most familiar with dams blew it up and are sort of dead? Maybe not all, but when it comes to major construction, number of hours worked will in no way make up for lack of bodies doing shit, and in this case, bodies who are familiar with dams. You have engineers? They can draw you many blueprints of dams that you can't build because that part requires people...yeah, he doesn't care at all.)
(When Snow unveiled the brilliant master plan regarding Peeta, you gotta wonder what everyone was thinking.
Minion: So the plan is--by the way, the dam is still flooding like everything--let the Rebellion break into our computers and city to rescue the tributes and when they get here we--give them what they came for?
Snow: We'll make it just difficult enough to make them think they aren't falling right into our trap. But no shooting once they're in the air no matter what. In fact, make sure they get away safely. It will spoil the plan otherwise.
Minion: ...right, and the plan is--?
Snow: I've methodically drugged Peeta with wasps venom and spent countless hours torturing him into a mindless killing machine--
Minion: ...wait, is this the thing you said was more important than the dam?????
Snow: Obviously. To continue: they will take the Tributes, Peeta will for reasons show no signs of anything untoward, then when they get to headquarters--"
Minion: --he'll take out the rebel leaders and maybe others in a frenzy! That's so crazy it just might work!
Snow: Think bigger, you fool! He'll kill Katniss.
Minions: ...and that will distract everyone from the other mind-fucked Tributes taking out the rebel leaders? Please nod. Please.
Snow: The Rebel leaders????? What good what that do? I'm just tired of them being around, so might as well throw them in with Peeta. The Rebellion said they wanted them, no idea why. The important thing here is there is no possible way Katniss will survive this, none whatsoever. It cannot fail. Check. And. Mate.
Minion: ...this is really happening, isn't it?)
Mockingjay Part 2 arrives tomorrow--er, today--and I can't wait to see it.
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