Circa 2015, the game appeared in Google Play, and I conveniently remembered absolutely nothing as for some insane reason, I thought I really liked it. So I bought it.
That was a mistake.
Since that long ago day, it has haunted my phone like a poltergeist made of tiny colored balls of surrealist physics in action. I finally delete and forget it; then--months later--I come back and am like "Oh I like that game!"
I don't like this game. This game is the devil. Level 12 is a colored ball purgatory that mocks you. The balls move slower when they see an explosion coming toward them, I have eyes and I know. I've been trying to write this entry for like three days but when I think of Boomshine, I start playing Boomshine and something is wrong with this.
The Room I, II, III, and Old Sins didn't make me this crazy, even the multiple tragic endings, even the Cthulhu ending of tentacles because I missed something in that room, even the ending on the crazy dollhouse train (I think?) taking me to the Elder Gods (maybe?), which was apparently the best potential ending (?). Like, sure, they screwed with me, but they didn't do it with something a step up from Pong and make me feel inadequate because I CAN'T CLEAR MOST OF THE BALLS. The balls mock me; kinda-Cthulhu ending just taught me the value of searching a room eighty times, not seventy-nine.
Boomshine. You're welcome.
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