Seperis (seperis) wrote,

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scheherazade the phone

Oh, I forgot; I've had a major relationship change in my life this month.

Due to circumstances beyond my control (because my sister took my soldering kit due to an unfortunate fire-related incident with a motherboard and a kitchen table and fire alarms), I had to get a new cell phone. My phone began to experience charging issues in Octoberish, but in May it stopped charging altogether except wirelessly, and as it was a Galaxy S6 Edge+, you can imagine how long that took.

I'd like to ask for a moment of contemplation of technology for Dean, the phone that saw me through many troubled moments and so fucking much Pokemon Go.

Okay, done.

My new life companion is Scheherazade, a Galaxy S10+ in blue.

Also, I have discovered some neat things after two weeks about this phone.

1.) My new phone does not get uncomfortably hot to the touch while using and emit a faint metal smell like a freshly cut jugular.
2.) When the battery indicator says its 100%, it actually is and five minutes later doesn't randomly show 5% and turn off. Then when turned on says it's at 40% and making me doubt my understanding of how numbers work.
3.) It can be charged while still on, instead of having to turn it off first and praying over it. Nothing fancy, just some Revelations-based entreaties for mercy.
4.) As it turns out, I didn't dream that you can reliably charge with USB and not just wirelessly and hopelessly while drinking four dollar bottles of Sangria from the nearby convenience store.
5.) Chrome doesn't open and close at random like ghosts are reading and judging my porn Washington Post articles about rainforests and...whales being saved from something probably terrible.
6.) Apps open when you touch them, not in their own (justified, I'm sure) good time when they feel like it and you understand and don't complain because otherwise, they might get angry and living in constant fear for your life (sanity, too, sure) just isn't all it's cracked up to be.
7.) I can turn it on and off with the appropriate button, not using Button Savior for touch controls. You really don't appreciate an on/off button that works until it never, ever, ever does again no matter how much you beg and how many offerings you make to [redacted]. I can still hear their screaming when I don't wear noise-canceling headphones.
8.) The home key doesn't exist anymore and therefore I am never unduly startled with Google randomly opening and closing eight or fifty times in a row. During Pokemon Go. While trying to catch fucking Larios.

So--I'm thinking I was probably about two weeks from being literally set on fire due to my phone exploding while I was hunting Pokemon or--not outside the realm of possibility--accidentally selling my soul to a god I can't pronounce because vowels are for the weak so I could finish my goddamn week challenge and get a Sinnoh Stone to do some recreational poke evolving.

Scheherazade is awesome and Dean may have been trying to kill me. There's a lesson here, but the most important thing is--I GOT MY SINNOH STONE!!!!

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Tags: my relationship with electronics
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