The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


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this is because it's sunday
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
The snake of a thousand evils returned yesterday morning while I innocently--and I do mean innocently--drank my coffee and contemplated healthy thoughts of Clark/Lex bondage and Supernatural season five (my son is rewatching) and Buffy season six (my sister is watching), and maybe I was praying too, so you see how I didn't deserve to stare at a snake draped over a flower stand less than eight feet away staring at me mockingly.

After achieving what may have been teleportation (I don't remember what happened but I was inside like really fast), I've come to the conclusion that snakes, like small children, cats, and dogs, are most attracted to those that hate and fear them, which is why I win for most snake sighting ever in my family. I'm not actually kidding here.

From specific traumatic moments to general
1.) Rattlesnake hanging from roof - me
2.) Rattlesnake sleeping in drawer - me
3.) Rattlesnake on porch in staring match with cat - me
4.) Rattlesnake pursing me and Lindy across the front yard - me
5.) Huge mating ball of water moccasins over side of low bridge holy fuck nightmare fuel to this day - me
6.) Garter snake that looked like shoelace - me
7.) Snake in front yard, leaped onto folding chair with girlish scream - me
8.) Snakes in tank behind house in the country - MANY TIMES
9.) GODDAMN BLOTCHED WATER SNAKE - TWO TIMES NOW
10.) Rattlesnakes in general - LIKE A LOT
11.) Snakes in lake behind house in the country - MY CHILDHOOD LIKE A LOT

I'm not counting every time I have to go to the reptile pet stores because I try to repress those memories. I just learned there that reptiles have a smell and I react to it much like any animal and want to cry and hide in the bunny pit.

This is the funny thing; like claustrophobia, snake fear was something that developed rapidly and with no actual defining event that hit me during puberty. I know this is starting to sound like repressed memory where it ends up I recall being the virgin sacrifice during a satanistic orgy at daycare or something and EXPLANATION (maybe it involved being placed in a coffin during the proceedings?) but no one remembers this now--I liked snakes. I wanted one as a kid. I wanted specifically a python, because during the competitive summer reading program at the library someone brought a giant awesome python (to encourage reading?) and I fell in love.

I do not believe I'm repressing a satanistic orgy memory or anything, but I also think Snakes on a Plane's most terrifying possible sequel would be Snakes in An Elevator In The Tallest Building in the World With No Air Conditioning. Just knowing it appeared in theatres would assure I never left my bedroom again. In my life.

Life

Oddly enough, two people have been converted to The Wonder and Bank Account Destruction that is Keurig. Ever since I got my first one, I never looked back, and I routinely stare hungrily at newer models with more water capacity and more buttons. My sister and a coworker both just fell madly, deeply, and financially destructively in love, and so I ruthlessly ordered more coffee from Amazon just to give them samples and watch as they, like me, lose any hope of keeping a savings account when they taste:
1.) Gloria Jean's Macadamia Cookie
2.) Gloria Jean's Mudslide
3.) Donut House Chocolate Glazed Donut
4.) Donut House Light Roast
5.) Green Mountain Nantucket Blend

They will sell their souls at 59 to 81 cents a pod. This is joy.

Posted at Dreamwidth: http://seperis.dreamwidth.org/980779.html. | You can reply here or there. | comment count unavailable comments

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I live in a big city in the UK and I've always known that there were no snakes around that could hurt me much: I've never seen an adder (the only one that is at all venomous) and when I saw a grass snake basking last summer I was the patronising idiot who explained to some alarmed tourists that it wasn't dangerous. However, when I heard a rustle in the leaf litter while walking by a stream on holiday once, I was suddenly certain it was a snake and froze: I didn't even see anything, but it would have taken something pretty important to make me carry on walking. This being a roundabout way of saying that I suspect snake fear is lurking fairly close to the surface in all humans, sort of as a default setting.

It's just so weird. *shivers* But yes, instinct. SMART INSTINCT.

My twin sister had a big python when we were young so I really like them. But I can feel with you when I think of Spiders. You can see me running for the hills...

I am not fond of spiders, but they don't scare me the same way. Except tarantulas.

OMG. I was siting on the floor on my tatamies writing that comment, hit "sent" and there was a huge spider running beside me, heading for my laptop. I jumped a mile. My hubby first took care of it and then made me drink some schnapps, because I was shaking like a leaf.
The only good thing is they only come inside between middle of august to end of September when it`s getting cold outside. So for the next weeks I will be a nervous wreck.

*SENDS FRANTIC FEELINGS TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

I am traumatized just READING your snake encounter list, so I can only imagine what it was like to live through them. Gah.

It's like--why. WHY WHY WHY.

(Deleted comment)
I came across stories of how people would occasionally wake up with their Big Snakes in bed with them. I immediately made a rule that I would NEVER sleep in a house with a Big Snake unless it was properly locked down. I mean serious locks like keyed padlocks, because I don't trust them not to figure out a combination lock. Seriously.

I seriously shuddered so hard just reading that.

You don't deserve all that snake attention. It's not your fault. *hugs*

Thank you. I feel the snakes are doing this on purpose now.

Your snake situation reminds me of my spider situation. There was a summer where there were spiders everyfucking where. I mean, I found a spider in my raspberries. How does that happen?

You hate them, they will come. *hands* It's the only explanation.

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