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hyperboleandahalf - ally and depression part II
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Depression Part 2 at Hyperboleandahalf - an illustrated guide to depression. Possibly the most hilarious, most painful, most metaphorical, most literal, most everything description of depression I've read in--ever. With awesome illustrations.

Most of still live with the knowledge that there are great swathes of the population--we'll call them 'idiots'--who at some point decided the depression in it's entirety can be expressed as 'not happy' and also, that it's something that can be cured with bootstrap puppy macros on the bright side of it's a wonderful life. I don't call people idiots for not understanding depression--frankly, I've lived with it over half my life, and I'm still fairly unclear on what the ever-loving fuck is going on--but I get tetchy on the subject when they believe 'understand' is a required prerequisite for 'believe', because I personally didn't sign up to be the professor failing to teach 101 adequately and then worry how they'll survive when they stop believing in air, as they seem to think 'believe' is a key facet in the existence of reality.

For everyone else, however, there's this post; if you don't understand depression, if it's still hard to get your head around, if you have family or friends who live with it, if you just want to know--this might help. Depression is vast and individualized and no two people who have it will conceptualize or experience it the same way. However, I've noticed that no matter how differently people describe depression, they're always right, possibly because for me, they all say the same thing--that depression is less a thing that's there, but a word that encompasses the vastness of absence, knowing perfectly well the scope of what should be there and no longer is, and realizing you'll have to wait forever while living without it. It can be weeks or years or a matter of months, or so the calenders say, but while you're waiting, it's always forever.

Posted at Dreamwidth: http://seperis.dreamwidth.org/973643.html. | You can reply here or there. | comment count unavailable comments

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Yes to this whole post. When you're waiting it is always forever. It's been a few years now since I've had a major depressive episode, but I still tend to feel an almost compulsive need to keep busy now days because for me my depression is/was an expanding pit of inertia where everything is hard and impossible to do. The panic and the stress build up, but nothing can be done.

Yes, busy. I keep so many projects going it's ridiculous. I jsut have to be sure there are a lot of them so odds will be at least one of them will get my attention if something is going wrong and hold it. Which woould explain why I have entire programs built from javascript for google and bash for my server. It's surreal to look at them now and actually realize why I wrote ten thousand lines to move a file from one place to another complete with Q&A text interface.

It's a nice program, too.

Thank you for this link!
I have a mother with a slight depression, and most of the time I struggle to understand her, or either of the friends I have with depression. This actually helped a lot to make sense of everything.

Thank you! I'm so glad to hear it helps!

Her descriptions and explanations of depression are some of the clearest and most comprehensible that I've ever seen. I laughed painfully. I'm glad she's back, and I'm glad she's okay, or somewhere getting closer to okay.

Yes, this so much. I am, too. Her depression entry before that was really familiar.

She explains it so well. It is not sadness so much as it is pain. Pain and a lack of whatever it is that is not it.


Your last sentence was kind of perfect.

She is very good. That is exactly what depression is like.

I've read it a couple of times now.

Damn. That was painful and brilliant.

Oh my god, there were parts of that where I stopped and sputtered because -- look! It's me, there in that comic, in the dirty hoodie staring down too many (no good) things.

I have a hard time self-identifying as having depression, because reasons (blah blah tl;dr navelgazing), but... yeah, she and I might have a thing or two in common. Wow.

I'm a fan of Allie's blog too, and was quite surprised when I saw her post last week! I was sure she was not going to come back, which is often the case when people leave for that long of a period of time. I'm really glad she did, though! And I hope she continues to post.

I think she explain depression very well. I think most women can relate to depression the best because even if we're not "clinically depressed" we tend to have wild hormones that strike out at any given time -- or at a particular time of the month.

There have been times where I have felt for no particular reason, a numb sorrowfulness. Sometimes it lasts a day, sometimes it last a few days, sometimes it only lasts a couple of hours. I don't know why it happens. I can't imagine having to feel that way 24/7, 365 days a year. I do feel for people who suffer from depression. The worst part about knowing or being close to people who are depressed, is the helplessness you feel.

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