The Toybox

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my continuing love affair with buffy the vampire slayer
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
I am always vaguely amused that my One True Fandom is also the one in which I have never been tempted to read or write fanfic for (with one exception, below) and I rewatch yearly at minimum. That being Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which premiered on WB and I was channel surfing and caught it at the end of episode one and thought you know, this sort of reminds me of the movie that had Dylan from Beverly Hills 90210 in it and then credits rolled and I felt very goddamn awesome about my deductive skills. And then I fell in love.

It's also the one fandom I refuse to read meta on, write meta on, or even discuss with anyone outside of carefully screened people who love it like I do, because everyone has their personal fandom of max crazy and this is mine. I'm also weirdly protective of season six, which I can't explain in any logical sense because I didn't even like half of it, but I kind of lose all perspective when anyone critiques it and want to crush things. So you know. There is that.



Eps watched this run:

Season One:
The Pack - the one and only time I found Xander insanely hot. Just. What the hell, Xander. It wasn't him being a dick, which did nothing for me and I cheered as Buffy kicked his ass. IT was the sniffing and the pack thing. Which should have warned me what I'd end up writing in SGA and Merlin that involved smell, pack, sniffing, and um, cannibalism. Yeah. This is where it started, right here. Goddamn Xander, the pack, the sniffing, and well, eating the principal.

Season Three:
The Prom - just the ending. I loved the school giving Buffy the adorable umbrella. I tear up every time.
Graduation Day Part I and II - the students all go to war! And the mayor's life dream was to turn into a giant snake. I'm glad he had that before he was slaughtered. It's nice to know some dreams really do come true.

Season Four:
Hush - I have wanted to watch for awhile, but timing is everything, that is, getting Child to watch with me. That freaks me the hell out still. THE GRINNING. THE STRAIGHTJACKET HENCHMAN. The legit scariest ep of Buffy I ever watched.
The Yoko Factor - the awesomeness of the gang dealing with all their issues from the whole year.
Primeval - the entire ep, but especially the union spell so they could take out Adam. Scooby soulbonding never goes out of style.

Season Five:
The Body - really should have thought that one through more before watching. Stopped early.
The Weight of the World - Buffy angst is my favorite thing ever.

Season Six:
One More, With Feeling - I watch this like, several times a year straight through. There is nothing not perfect about this ep.

Season Seven:
Lessons - just love
Same Time, Same Place - if there is intensive Scooby bonding, I am there. I love this ep.
Help - this one always breaks my heart a little.
Selfless - Anya's angst. Seriously, my love for Anya is unending and I haven't quite forgiven Joss for letting her die in the finale and Andrew live, because Andrew is freaking Jar Jar Binks and why does he survive?
Him - there is nothing more hilarious than Willow about to do a sex change spell on RJ. I mean, I kind of wish she'd gone through with that, just to see what happened next.
Showtime - for the huge drama of Thunderdome
Touched - for Buffy/Spike bonding and drama.
End of Days - For same, plus my love for Faith is very much here.
Chosen - because it's perfect

Upcoming is The Gift, which makes me cry a lot, every time, and 1-10 of season six. I kind of have to work my way through those interspersed with other eps. And season 5.1, Buffy vs Dracula, because Xander as Renfield never gets old like, ever. And then I cheer myself by watching the Faith episodes of Angel to see Faith beat the hell out of Conner, because there is nothing more satisfying than seeing the most irritating teenager in history get beat down for like, two entire episodes. Then probably an end of season six run up from Tara's death to Evil!Willow.

I continue to absolutely hate Andrew with all my being and still do not get why he was even there, why he survived, or well, why he even existed. I mean, why not Jonathan, dammit? HE AT LEAST HAD A HISTORY WITH BUFFY THAT WAS NON DOUCHE AND THEN HE REDEEMED HIMSELF AFTER BEING A DOUCHE. I liked Jonathan. I would not have resented Jonathan taking up valuable air onscreen.



And because I like to mix it with vids, vids!



Teenage Dream, Buffy/Spike

Without You I'm Nothing, Buffy/Spike - the vid of Buffy's self-hatred. It just breaks me.

Say When, Buffy/Spike - the vid of Spike and Buffy's tragic love, because I love the mirroring in this one

You Found Me - All - probably my favorite Buffy vid ever. It's the Scoobies and their tragedies and their friendship and kind of everything I love about the show in a Fray song.

Crawling, Faith - Faith's rise and fall and rise and everything in between.

Not Enough, All - kind of the opposite of You Found Me - it's all the angst and pain and hopelessness and the fact they can't even stop to grieve

Blurry, Buffy/Angel - a really intense look at Buffy/Angel and the just--gah. Doomed. So very doomed.

It's The End of the World As We Know It by Luminosity and Kamil, All - it's the end of the world like a lot in Buffyland.

And three I can't find online and so uploaded to Mediafire for download. The first was removed from youtube, the other two predate youtube.

Running Up That Hill, Buffy/Spike - I am really into their tragic relationship, okay? Format: mp4, plays with VLC and pretty much anything

I Remember, Buffy/Angel - seasons one and two following the tragic course of their relationship and the song is perfect. Format: rmvb, plays with VLC

Without a Sound, Buffy - gorgeous Buffy vid, I think season one only, maybe season two as well. Format: mpg, plays with VLC



During the premiere of The Gift my hysterical sobbing led a friend on AIM to desperately send me fic to read, even though at the time I read no Buffy fic for above reasons, but she promised I would love it and also, it would motivate me to stop crying before my eyes were too swollen to avoid questions at work the next day on what the hell happened to me, on the off-chance I was able to ever stop crying and there was doubt that would be possible.

(Seriously, I sobbed on AIM, I sobbed off AIM, I sobbed until page two of The Heart's Filthy Lesson and then there was awesome fic and then I read spoilers for season six and sobbed only when people mentioned the episode in my presence. People stopped doing that fairly quickly, which is probably the reason I can still see.)

The Bowiebharata by [personal profile] rivkat and mustangsally78, Spike/Buffy - The Heart's Filthy Lesson was sent to me in PDF, but for Serious Moonlight, I had to patiently collect email posts on glass_onion one at a time, format them, and set them lovingly into a word document I still have and both were printed out tenderly and placed in a binder and protected fiercely, as this was before I had broadband and kindles were still science fiction. Then there was Changes, and then Buffy Summers and the Spiders From Mars, which added in so much delicious pastry as a major plot point that it's kind of my platonic ideal of the perfect fic now.

Historical Note: When [personal profile] rivkat started writing Clark/Lex in Smallville, I spent quality time wondering if I could actually unconsciously bend reality to do my bidding, because [personal profile] rivkat was writing Clark/Lex and my life was perfect. I have not yet discarded this theory, but mostly because I keep thinking if I wish hard enough, there will be one more Bowiebharata post-season seven sent to me from an alternate universe or something. This could happen.

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THE GRINNING AND THE STRAITJACKET HENCHMEN YES
And the daring, after the strong LET'S EXPLODE THE GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY UNDERGROUND BASE, of ending the season on a dream episode. Yes. Everything that happened this season, guys, it had an effect on our characters. Mysteriously, stuff affects people. Hush is still my benchmark for scary TV. I still hide my eyes at a couple of points and I'm sure you'll know what they are when I say PINNED TO THE BED and LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW.

The Body, like Hush, stands out as 'does not need to be about Buffy to be terrifying'. But for very different reasons.

I don't think I could stand to watch it this year, for personal reason. It is just so horribly not fake. All those raw edges of reaction, of all those places your brain goes that are not part of an easy trite story. Damn. It's been about three years since I saw it and now I've thought of it I'm having flashbacks to specific scenes, visual choices, and some of Anya's lines and the merciless lack of music and. Ow. Right. Bad time to go there, let's move on.

ONCE MORE WITH FEELING Jensen I don't care if you don't want Dean to sing just do a Once More With Feeling supernatural tribute episode and have Sam and Dean stare perplexedly at everyone around them burstin ginto song if you must but please include the line 'except for bunnies'. Also, for preference, lesbian sex.

Season seven? Buffy and Spike and Faith. Nuff said. All the potentials (even Felicia Day) didn't really do anything for me. But all the Buffy and Spike and Faith!

And, as the complete and sensible and deeply complex nature of the above discussion probably demonstrates - nope, nope, nope, no Buffy fandom or fic or meta for me either. So far as writing goes, I can only feel like I've got a handle on the voices/feels for Supernatural enough to write; but I can read some others.

Buffy is one of the ones I can never read. It makes me cringe and go TOUCH NOT MY JOSS.

Because. All of them. That's a coherent sentence, right?

ETA: Season six, eeep. Yes. Individual episodes, damn hard to watch. But the whole arc/premise? Life is the big bad. Learning to be a grown-up. No wonder the theoretically evil masterminds are three lost kids who just have the stupidest little ambitions but the means to implement them and they keep screwing up your life and don't even DESERVE to. Season six hits home.

(And any of Angel after season 1 just makes me go ARGH STOP SACRIFICING YOUR CHARACTERS FOR DRAMATIC PLOT SERIOUSLY DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW THAT CHARACTER WOULD BEHAVE IN THAT SITUATION ARGH NOW YOU ARE BASICALLY WRITING BAD SPIKE/ANGEL FANFIC AND PUTTING YOUR ACTORS IN IT, so I haven't watched any of that above once.)

Edited at 2012-10-17 10:08 am (UTC)

Angel - I watched and stopped adn then watched again, but I couldn't love it or even really want to commit to it because it just was so--even the happy episodes had this undercurrent of how these people were more allies that liked each other than friends, and that could easily change.

I mean, relationships between characters, especially friendships, are huge things for me (I love ships, too, but ensemble casts, I want those interpersonal relationships) and I never felt there was any kind of strong emotional connection between most of them. That's another reason I like the Faith episodes I mentioned; the Angel and Faith bond was there even when Angel himself wasn't, and the part that did it for me was when she told Conner that if Angelus had to be put down she would be the one who did it. The subtext was personal; she would do it because if it had to be done, it would be done by someone who loved him and would do it because they knew him and loved him.

Yeah, my brain can't quite deal with Buffy fanfiction either. Very weird.

And fuck yes to being irrationally protective of season 6! I don't really get it either—God knows I rage about Seeing Red every time I see it—but oh god, whenever I hear people dissing S6 I'm all, NO NO MY BABIES *CLINGS*

Even SMG's comments on how Buffy's S6 arc displeased her make me feel this way. Which yes, probably makes no sense at all. But just—yeah, One True Season, One True Show, whatever. Thoroughly bypasses rationality.

Yes, all of this. God, that show. The single most rewatchable TV show I have ever seen. I never not find new things in the eps, even the ones I"ve watched a lot.

I'm sorry, I forget—you watch TW, right? I'm not misremembering?

The other day I watched The Body and cried so hard during Anya's breakdown that I actually scared myself. It was almost cathartic.

That episode confirmed for me that everyone on the show was a brilliant actor and that Joss Whedon was a genius albeit somewhat insane.

Also I was discussing Hush with my boyfriend the other day and as he points out, a totally silent episode? Creepiest and most awesome thing ever.

Also, I love how even people who aren't fans of Buffy love Once More With Feeling. It's just this legendary episode.

Hush - *shudders*

Once More With Feeling - it was an in-universe logical musical that worked flawlessly with the canon and was also hilarious fun. And for that matter, it was plot-relevant to moving the arc forward as well as the events in the episode. Just. Love.

Buffy is love.
And Hush was the most brilliantly scary creepy terrifying thing ever....

Hon, that ship has sailed. Rivka and I have moved onto other things but I can tell you what happens:

Spike comes back from the dead and he and Buffy have an on-again, off-again raging affair until she graduates from college (UC Santa Barbara with a degree in social work). Then she gets the yen to have a "normal life" and breaks up with him to marry a nice real estate attorney and have kids.

Spike becomes a freelance demon/vampire slayer and helps train baby slayers.

Buffy occasionally cheats on her husband with Spike.

Willow moves to the UK and gets a degree in ancient languages and meets a nice girl who runs an antique store and they do some supernatural help in England (ghostbusting, etc)

Dawn goes to UC Davis and majors in PR. Works for a major film company.

Anya and Xander move to northern California and he makes arts & crafts furniture and they run an Internet boutique business up there and become wealthy hippies.


*snickers* That's why I said alternate universe. I like how the series ended hugely for all the potential and future and complexities.

I'm watching Passion from S2. Watching Buffy and Willow break down during the phone call from Giles is still amazing. Heartbreaking and always makes me cry, but amazing.

Buffy is still THE show for me. I just keep rewatching it again and again. I love everything about this show. The emotions that show can pull from me. The number of times I can cry through happiness or extreme sadness. I'd hate Joss for doing this to me if I didn't love him so much.

I've never had to read fanfic for Buffy. To me, this show is perfect and I don't need any more than I was given by Joss and Co.

The ending of The Prom makes me cry every time. Class Protector. It's one of those perfect moments.

S6 - I know a lot of people dislike the season but there is much of it I like - you know, apart from once more with feeling. That's a given.

Showtime is one of those episodes I love to watch again and again. The thunderdome. So cool. Showing the potentials what she can do. And the interplay with Buffy, Willow and Xander is hilarious and brilliant.

I will forever be annoyed with the show for not using Jonathan in S7. I loved him and would have been insanely happy if he'd been in an entire season.

I did my BA and MA thesis's on Buffy. Having said that, I really don't enjoy reading that much meta or academic writings on the show. Is that weird?

My BA thesis was just an excuse for me to wax lyrical about what I love about the show. Mostly the father/daughter relationships between Buffy and Giles and Faith and the mayor - something I'm still seeing new parallels between every time I watch the show - and an entire chapter on Xander because who doesn't enjoy going on about how awesome Xander is?

I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of this show. It and The West Wing are the two shows I can and will keep re-watching forever.

Edited at 2012-10-21 11:10 pm (UTC)

IT's totally my perfect show.

AND JONATHAN. WHY NOT JONATHAN.

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