The Toybox

people for the conservation of limited amounts of indignation


Previous Entry Share Next Entry
i also once read a lot of solitaire porn on a dare
children of dune - leto 1
seperis
Okay, granted, I have been conning and now am family vacationing in the Gulf region (where the water is very warm and the grass just too disturbingly green when one can see teh ocean like, fifty feet away), but...

Another Doomed Attempt to Monetize Fanfic aka Person Buys Pooh (yes, as in Winnie the), Twilight, and LOTR fanfiction archives and like, I feel someone, somewhere cut me out of the Fandom Psychic Network of Hysterical Laughter. Which hey, who did that again?

This is a very serious, totally serious issue, but I keep getting stuck at that particular combination of fandoms because you have to know he does not look upon this and see the hilarity, which is sad because look at that combination. I mean, I was trying to come up with a more unlikely set of fandoms to start Fandom Is My Profit Quest and I'm just failing utterly. I mean, Hetalia, Rainbow Brite, and Minesweeper have the right WTF but not the sheer, unearthly, almost surrealist beauty of sparkling vampires living next door to large-footed hobbits and staring in bewilderment at the rise of Mordor in the distance while Pooh wanders by looking for his honey (and possibly being eaten by vampires, which now is upsetting me; Tigger will fuck their shit up for even trying and I don't know about anyone else, but Piglet's sociopathy isn't what I'd call well-concealed).

I'm not comfortable that is actually a working plot, for the record.

It's kind of annoying we seem to be getting the bargain priced entrepreneurs who lack some fundamental steps in My Business Plan Let Me Show You It, but it's also just grating that when approaching the strange, savage society of fanficsters with their simple ways and strange, exotic, foreign customs, who have been waiting with bated breath for someone to show us the magic of capitalistic enterprise and so forth, the literacy quotient here is so tragically low. Also, the ability to use the magic of google and possibly, the sense required to breathe.

See, I grew up reading Pooh and LOTR and I have in fact slogged through Twilight and the fourth book that made it all so very worth every moment, but I can't assume the person in question read them because again, look at that combination for a fandom enterprise. I felt the natural order of fandom shiver a little, but also, much worse, someone right now is writing a crossover for this, and that shit I don't forgive.

There's also how very, very cross the Tolkien estate gets about things. Like, IDK, Using a Fictionalized Version of Tolkien The Person In a Historical Fiction Book That Does Not Involve Any of Tolkien's Fiction (No, This Is Not Tolkien/Hobbit Porn and More's The Pity For Sheer Why Not-ness), so going out on a limb, it may be possible screaming I WILL MAKE MONEY FROM LOTR FANFIC at the top of your lungs is a course of action which probably will lead to a room with free coffee and a lot of people in suits the price of the average yacht whose first language is Legalese, both spoken and written.

I've heard Disney may be a bit odd about that sort of thing as well; could be wrong. Can't say I am following along with what the Twilight franchise has as policy; I bet google might help.

I'm also guessing they missed the concept of RPS? What a fascinating introduction this will be. I think on page two.

Two people below teh age of fully comprehending verbal communication just found me on my secret balcony to stare at me meaningfully. I'm pretty sure from their expressions they, too, disapprove of this unnatural combination, though I'm still sketchy on how they got through a locked door. I think they may be a bit too young, however, to fully appreciate the horror of Piglet/Edward, though. Maybe when they're four.

Elf's Links I'm still glutting myself on. Sometimes the best things in life really are free.

Posted at Dreamwidth: http://seperis.dreamwidth.org/90585.html. | You can reply here or there. | comments

  • 1
Piglet/Edward---GAAAAAH--my brain is shriveling!

Once thought, it is created. And so my nightmares have new material.

I'm just going to sit over here and contemplate the concept of Winnie the Pooh fanfiction archives. I mean yes, internet, I know, but somehow this never even occurred to me and I"m trying to decide what I think about it.

I KNOW. How can there be Pooh ficlets when fandom is so judgmental that my Fraggle Rock RPS crossover starring J2 has been shot down repeatedly? Fandom. You just never know what will take off.

(Deleted comment)
I love tryfanstone's stories!

Solitaire... like the game?

Very much so. There was a moment--brief, but there--where I stared in horror at the evil that the mind of man hath wrought. It's like minesweeper porn; cosmic existential horror, then confusion and acceptance.

I honestly didn't think Rule 34 applied to card games.

I'm pretty sure Rule 34 was surprised by this as well.

(Deleted comment)
There's always the fact that Tolkien did in fact write his own lovestory into the extended LotR canon. By which I mean his wife is Luthien (the most beautiful ever, kickass and did I mention the most beautiful ever?) and he's the human dude she married and gave up her immortality ofr. I think "Luthien" is even engraved on her RL gravestone ot something? And Tolkien put her in the EU before they were even married? I don't really know this shit, but my point is (beyond: Hey, did Tolkien invent the Mary Sue? Probably that already existed) you could write human dude/Hobbit slash and it'd totally be Tokien/hobbit as well!

Tokien vs. fanfiction always amuses me, because on the one hand he envisioned LotR as a kind of mythology for Britain and was totally into the concept of it being expanded upon. On the other hand he was all serious business scholar (plus Catholic) about it and I don't know how he'd take the explicit homosexual content.

In a more serious vein, what is this SSO he speaks of? Is it an acronym for software or a fandom that I am unaware of?

"Plus, plenty of opportunities for cross promotion and integration (SSO, for example)"

I'm guessing from context he's talking about "single sign-on", which is kind of the holy grail of social media, since it removes a big barrier to entry for new sites, which is forcing people to create a new username.

And which is mostly going to creep many fans THE HELL OUT! Because we have a long history of liking to keep stuff seperate. I mean on lj some people have different journals for different fandoms or different content (and lets not get into sockpuppets ;).

Oh, I know, the cluelessness about fannish culture is hilarious.

Ah, thank you, that makes sense. *thunks head* just got through listening to Sean Parker ramble on- and boy can he ramble- about single sign on.

Disney, oh hell yes Disney is as paranoid as the Tolkien estate. Years ago I was in a quilt guild and a lady brought in her self-designed Disney quilt (as in, she didn't buy that pre-printed crap, she designed the blocks and pieced each Disney character with her own two hands). As I recall (this was many, many years ago), she displayed it at *one* quilt show - then received a C&D from Disney, forbidding her from selling copies of her design or even displaying her work publicly (generously, they didn't confiscate her work).

I doubt Disney's developed a sense of humor about fanworks in the meantime.

(Deleted comment)
I looked at his CV. It's like ramble, ramble, got paid for sitting on ass- ramble ramble..so I'm like, ok, let's cut to the heart of what you can do..I skip to the skills section..I'm looking for software skills, technical certificates- nothing. Instead, this guy has PASSIONS. As in poker, and- I can't make this shit up-
"Recognised eBay PowerSeller with perfect 100% feedback rating."

Who puts that on their resume? Also, today I got up and remembered to breathe.

(Deleted comment)
My resumee is about to get so much longer.

(Deleted comment)
Duuude, I can make cheese towers out of sliced cheese. And arches.

God, why have I been ignoring this valuable skillset?

I've always wondered who would pay to have someone rewrite their resume. Today that question has been answered!

His LinkedIn profile is equally entertaining. Dude actually feels the need to clarify that he got his degree from the "3rd highest ranked" university for business in the UK or whatever. And the endless recs for jobs he held for 6 months are just touching.

And yeah, I'd say the average OTW volunteer has about 10x the technical experience of this guy. His big job at Facebook was in Ad Ops? Seriously? I'm guessing he knows how to do pivot tables in Excel and that's about it.

Actually (and this is sad) I only found out what a pivot table is today and am now dying to make some... *facehides*

I was determined not to laugh. And then you pasted the thing about the eBay PowerSeller.

Oh dear. *wipes eye*

Do you keep wanting to say "WELCOME TO THUNDERDOME" and cackle? I am seriously fighting it down the more I read.

(Deleted comment)
You made me cackle so LOUDLY. ♥

Also, fandom sometimes freaks me out. So there was reference to my field, and they used an acronym I wasn't familiar with (not SSO, I have no idea what that is, something technical in the comments). I was like: WTF???? Have I fallen behind, totally, when I turned my head? So I am researching like crazy to see how far, exactly, I have fallen behind (thinking, is this going to be like the ipod, where I simply do not know how to upload more songs and am therefore, stuck for all eternity with the same song rotation left by my ex??), and it turns out it was a typo. * heart attack adverted*

LiveJournal, FF.net and others do an amazing job - arguably (I know some would disagree) creating a better product that evolves at a faster rate than OTW's offering

*SPITTAKE* On the OTW blog, he says this. Holy God, dude. What are you even.

How does he think that these platforms compete? *mystified*

What does he mean by 'better product'? Is fic = product? If so, how can the fic be 'better' on LJ if it's just the same fic cross-posted to A03? *puzzled* Who writes differentiated fic: oh, this one's a bit below par, I'll reserve it for LJ but ooh, this one is my masterpiece: off to A03! Also 'faster rate'?? How is 'faster' a sign of quality? 'Oh, this fic is really fast. I wrote this in, like, 3 seconds!'

Also, 'offering'? How does A03 'offer' anything? It's just a collection vehicle; it doesn't 'produce' anything nor 'offer' anything except a platform and a service for us to use.


What he is talking about is the platform itself - in other words, AO3 doesn't update as quickly or make as many changes as FF.net or LJ.

The language and buzzwords in fan fiction is also quite impregnable to the newcomer (slash, canon, and other words had me a bit thrown to begin with).

Somehow I don't think it's the buzzwords that are this guy's biggest problems... omg I could spend hours reading those links bwahaha. must stop. Okay and thinking about it, lotr actually has waaaaay crazy stuff. Like, HP fandom's got nothing on it. Do you think he's read any orc/hobbit torture porn yet? Dude there are balrogs and sauron and even the elves up to all kinds of horrible stuff all the time in that fandom. There's also disproportionate amounts of incest (and I'm not just talking siblings) and orgies.

Clearly the man's never taken an English Lit class or read any Tolkien whatsoever if he's confused about what canon means in this context.

You write the best putdowns. This guy is a hoot and it's nice to watch him fail, as bad as that sounds.

Winnie the Pooh fanfiction, though? I feel like I should have known this, and yet... I cannot see it.

I know, right?! Winnie the Pooh... I can't unsee it.

The really interesting question is whether an Eeyore/Twilight Sparkle crossover would classify as bestiality.

*waves to Seperis* Hi: wandered in from elf's link roundup and am laughing my way down your post and its replies. I don't dare hope that KM's been frightened off by all the talk of Pooh/Legolas...

*inhales water* Oh holy crap, warn a girl next time!

Anyway, bwahahaha, scared off? He had the sense the gods gave goats he wouldn't have started all this in the first place.

Let alone try to mansplain to the OTW.

I am giggling so much I am crying reading this. It's glorious. It's going to be the wankiest of wanky things and he's given us a public face and a single name and there are going to be slash fics, so that every time an employer googles him, they're going to find 5000 words of Mr Mander sexin' up some random dude

I am so putting my name down for writing Mander/anybody. Mander/wraith or Mander/orc or Mander/Harry Potter all sound promising. RPS-x-over with a vengeance!!

Mander/Ogi/Sai is, liek, some sort of interwebs OTP111!!

So many juicy interesting things, which one to pick first?

Holiays on the Gulf! *wants*

sparkling vampires living next door to large-footed hobbits and staring in bewilderment at the rise of Mordor in the distance while Pooh wanders by looking for his honey (and possibly being eaten by vampires, which now is upsetting me; Tigger will fuck their shit up for even trying and I don't know about anyone else, but Piglet's sociopathy isn't what I'd call well-concealed).

I'm not comfortable that is actually a working plot, for the record.

I am so into this! You may be horrified by cross-over but cross-over did not occur to me until you (horrifiedly) put it into my head! And oh yes, Piglet/Edward, omg, *brain breaks*. How to write this??? Challenge!! I had not realised Piglet was a sociopath...! The possibilities... Eyore/Orc. Jacob/Gimli. Owl/Saruman.

Also, you wrote the word 'Legalese' but given all of the above I, of course, read this as 'Legolas'. Any elf/any vampire because immortality, duh! Also ents. Definitely high on the longevity meter.

Edward ran across the forest, just skimming the tops of trees with his soles when a branch twined upwards, caught him around the ankle and reined him into a leafy embrace.

"Hoohom," growled the ent, "what young whippersnapper do we have here?"

"Let me go. I've got a girl to save."

The ent waved his tendril back and forth, and in the dappled dusk of foliage, Edward alternately sparkled and went grey, sparkled and went grey.

"Hey," flapped Owl, "get out of my tree!"

And so forth. Says Queen of x-over.

Sorry, I just seem to stop replying to your post.

This: The language and buzzwords in fan fiction is also quite impregnable to the newcomer

Mr Mander, hm, I'm not sure that the word 'impregnable' means what you think it does. It does not, for example, mean 'impenetrable'. Instead:

impregnable 1adj
1. unable to be broken into or taken by force an impregnable castle
2. unable to be shaken or overcome impregnable self-confidence
3. incapable of being refuted an impregnable argument
[C15 imprenable, from Old French, from im- (not) + prenable able to be taken, from prendre to take]

impregnable2, impregnatable [ˌɪmprɛgˈneɪtəbəl]
adj able to be impregnated; fertile


Guess which aspect of the definition I like best? Hoho, Manderman, you iz mpreg rps right there!


Edited at 2011-07-05 09:45 pm (UTC)

Hopefully I'll have time to look a little more closely at the wank tomorrow (today was eaten by catching up on a three-day weekend off Tumblr), but I at least took a moment to visit the LotR archive in question and make sure I don't have an account there. And the suggestion that the guy is trying to practice his skills for a takeover of ff.net is making me think that I should see if I can still remember the password for my account there and go yank what few stories I had there as a pre-emptive measure.

Also (and I'm posting this without having read the other comments yet so I don't know if someone else already brought it up), but Twilight and LotR have a pair of movies apiece due to be coming out in the next few years and I think there's going to be a Pooh movie or remake or something as well. So that's what they all have in common: A calculated guess that further interest will be whipped up in all of these by the new movies.

  • 1
?

Log in