Sometimes I think the biggest problem with my job is that I have a warehouse of truly hilarious jokes that are only funny to about fifty people in the world, or conversely, to those who like to humor me. God I love those people.
Example--yes, I have to lead this one in--I'm testing the functionality of the FS-SNAP driver flow--just go with it--to approve benefits for senior citizen clients on SSI. Which is like, IDK, 55 dollars, I'm not testing the benefit issuance, just making sure the driver flow works. FS-SNAP has like, no requirements. You have to be alive and have SSI and be 55 or over. I mean, the big thing is to turn in your rent amount so you can qualify for the higher (55 dollars?) and not the lower (35?). A month. For food.
...stop laughing. You'd be shocked how many people are just horrified giving these 'elderly' a free ride. This is like, edgy and shit.
Anyway. You know, this isn't going to be funny when I explain, but whatever. When I run a case and approve benefits, it's also, for no particular reason, creating and denying and pending a case for regular Food Stamps, which--fuck, there is no way I can make this funny because it's a joke with the punchline "but they have SSI!"
Trust me, this is the height of sardonic wit over here.
Because if you have SSI, you qualify for FS-SSI if by some weird miracle you fail FS-SNAP (there is no way to fail FS-SNAP. That's like failing, IDK, breathing. You're dead, in other words, or lost your SSI) or if you have a two person household with a low enough income and between the two of you qualification for FS-SSI would give you more benefits okay, I'm stopping now I can actually feel everyone's eyes glazing.
I want you to know, I respect myself less right now that I'm still giggling into my keyboard mumbling "but they have SSI!"
...I'm still laughing. Really. This is hysterical. It's the equivalent of a joke about a priest and a rabbi entering a bar, but with food stamps and age requirements and without alcohol. Really.
BTW, if you have an elderly relative in Texas with SSI, there is no income restriction on SNAP-CAP and please, please check here for a local benefit office. It's like, a one page application to verify their existence, there's no interview or office visit.
If you are not in Texas, this program exists in your state. Contact your local Food Stamp/Welfare office and ask. If you cannot find it, contact me and I'll find it, just give me your state and zip.
Also a reminder, if someone you know is pregnant and in Texas, Medicaid is no longer the only option if they do not qualify. For women who do not qualify for Medicaid or who are undocumented, Chip Perinatal may be of assistance. Please contact your local office. If you can't find your local office, email me with city and zip and I'll direct you to the correct place to apply.
If you are in Texas and would like/need to have screening for breast and cervical cancer, go here to see if you qualify.
If you are in Texas and need assistance with birth control/gynecological services, here and see if you qualify.
Again, if you're in Texas and you're having problems finding where to go to get assistance, please IM me with your zip and I can track down the correct office.
Right. Bad not-joke and a PSA. My work is done here.
Earlier Entries: psa: medicaid, medicare cost share, and various benefits and under this tag: Welfare/Assistance programs.
- seriously, this is so funny. if you work here.