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Amusing Jenn in Myriad Ways
If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers.
--unknown, BTS list
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, "We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex..."
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
--pricklyelf on why Lex goes bad
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
--Teague reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
"Welcome to ClarkLex. This is the list for people who watch Smallville mainly 'cause it's gay as a picnic basket. Yes, Smallville, starring Clark "Gayer than a leather pinata" Kent and Lex "Gay as Christmas at Bloomingdale's" Luthor, as two gay homosexuals who love each other, and did we mention they're gay?"
--Livia regarding some unusually dense posts on ClarkLex list
Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
--AIM, 12/24/2003
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
--AIM, anonymous, 2/17/2004
In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
--AIM, silverkyst, 3/25/2004
Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
--LJ, 4/2/2004
I'm just waiting for Brian to don a pretty lacey pink bra and panties and go skipping along Liberty Avenue singing I Feel Pretty.
--LJ, joesther, 5/17/2004
silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular gentics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
--AIM, 1/25/2005
You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
--LJ, Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years, 3/15/2005
Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
--LJ, Summerfling, on shower sex, 7/22/2005
It's wierd, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
--LJ, revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit, 2/7/2006
Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
--LJ, cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny, 4/13/2006
Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
--LJ, deadlychameleon, on class, 9/1/2007
> previous 20 entries
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When someone capslocks a response to a question at work with obvious capslock intent you cannot:
a.) write back DIAF, because sure, they probably don't know what it means, but it is not professional.
b.) check urbandictionary for more acronyms.
c.) smallcap your response. Or use the word typevore even ironically when referring to their typing.
You can be so sarcastic you wonder if it would have been politer to simply say DIAF and be done with it, though. Passive-aggressive is awesome.
If you want me, I will be framing emails to maximize my intent to be bitchy, and in pursuit of this goal, my grammar must be flawless.
*seething*
current mood:  aggravated
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Title: You Must Remember This
Author: Seperis
Codes: Arthur/other, Arthur/Merlin
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: season two in general (not specific)
Summary: "A mere man cannot match us," she says, drawing a fingernail down his cheek. "But you are no mere man, are you?"
Warning: see here for warnings (minor spoilers)
Author Notes: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) shinetheway and transtempts for pre-reading and encouragement. This is more a fusion of several versions of the myth than a pure source.
( merlinfic: you must remember this )
( warnings )
current mood: awake
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I am spending an inordinate amount of time on youtube watching period drama vids. Not even like, technically superior ones, either--I am talking, I want to see every single British romance set with corsets and set to the most romantic music on earth. God, I want Evanescence right now.
Actually, I want good BBC Emma 2009 vidness because Johnny Miller, been crushing on him since Hackers, y'know? And God does he do a cravat justice. And knee-breeches. That's not happening so far. Well, there were two cuteish ones? But not like, what I want.
A Period Drama Romance - I know about one third of the source, and also, I think I recognize a lot of these people from Dr. Who. Is this like spot the Canadian actor? I seriously think Persuasion and Mansfield Park are my favorites. Persuasion is just so--and then! I want to melt, trufax. Then Edmund. Running. After Rose Fanny. Just. Gah.
How Six Period Dramas Collide - I like that music remix.
Notes from the edge:
1.) People in British period romance run a lot. Often, after someone else. Sometimes, in the rain. Maybe, crying. If you are lucky, all three at once. I approve.
2.) I like I can tell who is Heathcliff by the most brooding male on the screen. Don't even need to check the list. Except sometimes, I mix him up with Jane Eyre, because let's face it, Heathcliff and Edward really really really were separated at birth, and then one went psychotic. I leave your judgment to decide which is which.
3.) ...I really am picking up a cravat kink. This cannot be healthy.
If you want me to remain sane, you will rec me vids so I can melt quietly into a happy crinoline and knee-breeches puddle for a bit.
...and Star Trek just arrived. You know. I have a bad feeling how Pride and Prejudice could collide with Star Trek. Let's all hope I don't go there.
current mood: awake
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The Vampire Diaries fic rec!
Lure by transtempts, in which Bonnie is a witch and Damon is a vampire who might be helpful but God knows really if he means it. It's a wonderful exploration of a carefully navigated relationship between them; Bonnie is awesome and incredibly insightful, Damon is ambiguous and strangely useful, and it could go anywhere at all. Me, I hope it goes somewhere. Canon-compliant up to most recent TVD episode, and highly recommended for the wonderful capturing of Bonnie and Damon as people who aren't friends but might be one day.
Also, pitch-perfect Elena and Bonnie friendship, which is possibly my favorite relationship on the show. Sure there are vampires, but I seriously, seriously love watching them together.
Also, because transtempts was wondering last night and now I am too--anyone have any good recs for M*A*S*H fic that don't make you want to cut your wrists from subject matter or crimes against language?
current mood: awake
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Stolen from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) sf_drama, but seriously, people, some of you read this and didn't tell us?
The New York Times would like us to know groundhog day could be nigh.
A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather.
First, a speculated bird breaks the instrument of our eventual doom, now, we could finally live out all those fanfic and really know how Bill Murray felt.
So, anyone see any blue police boxes hanging about? You know, in case we inadvertently tear a hole in space and time. I'll be frank here; if you cannot keep a bird from breaking your equipment--a bird for the love of God--I am not certain you should be playing with the fabric of reality willy-nilly, mmmkay? Just a thought.
current mood: blank
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Things I Am Not Doing
I do not, per se, resent the UK, so much as Harrods, for having Maxwell, the 2009 Christmas Bear right there, and then charging shipping higher than the price of four bears.
Yes, fine, I am an obsessive Christmas bear person, and I am only ashamed of this when it's not the season of craziness. In scarier news, somehow, it is still more expensive to buy it from ebay. Yes, I did check (in several countries of ebays). I am that kind of a person. svmadelyn promised to find me an appropriate bear in Chicago, but I am just saying, Harrods, why do you hate me? Why?
(He has a friend, Rufus! And a Christmas Westie! A Christmas Westie. Oh my God, that is just cruel.)
See ETA
Things I Am Doing
( Christmas update )
Things I Have Done
Trekfic went to beta last night (and all three four betas do not hate me despite the fact I do not think they signed up for what they ended up with). With the exception of the epilogue, which doesn't do more than wrap up, it's complete. I seriously, seriously cannot believe it's done. I also sent my character notes, because it will make them laugh.
....seriously. Five months. But honestly, I didn't know if I'd ever finish. So you know, that's kind of awesome.
Pony
Still do not have one, but oddly, today, I do not mind.
ETA: Okay, the thing is, it did not occur to me to just ask someone on my flist. I mean, I even asked two people on AIM if they knew anyone going to London. For reasons beyond my understanding, I didn't think to, you know, check with the native residents. I--blame Trek. I am going with that. *blank* Thank you, syllic and clo.
*facepalm* God. This is Spock's fault, I can feel it.
ETA 2:
And someone sent me a pony. *falls over* My lesson for the day? People here are rather awesome.
ETA 3:
Two links from comments that I really feel need to be shared.
feanna shared this. Just--okay, seriously. Check out the dancing bear. And click on teh cellphone. FURTHER INFORMATION FROM FEANNA: The bear is dancing the Macarena here.
ladyholder shared Clash of the Titans trailer. This looks epic. *glee*
current mood: cheerful
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One day, this will be over, and I will not be nostalgic. Sometimes I totally am about writing; I have fond memories of thete1 in AIM encouraging me through Handful of Dust and happy thoughts about And All the World Beneath.
This is nothing like that.
( this is my fic whining; let me show you it )
In other news--I have none, did you not see the above? So I'm curious--anyone go into scary research mode while writing? Ways which kind of worry you when your research page starts to resemble a thesis?
current mood: blah
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There's something horribly sad about my spam for the last year, which makes me wonder if there's something to be said for society being reflected in their spam. Since the economy did its thing last year, my spam is almost exclusively refinancing and stock spam, with a sprinkling of non-sex related self-improvement (white teeth! better bod! new career! Something else!). However, recently, finally, someone asked if I wanted a bigger penis FOUR INCHES IN FOUR DAYS, and that put me in a better mood. Our economy is recovering--we can afford bigger penises. The amount of IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE is also going up, which makes me happy, though admittedly I kind of hope for a hybridized PENIS WILL GROW FOUR INCHES WITH OUR REFINANCING DEAL, and it might even be true if you're in foreclosure. Libidos work better with lower stress.
Gmail and yahoo are exclusive victims of Pfizer drugs, however; for the life of me, I cannot figure that one out. I mean, they're not like, cool drugs or anything. LOWER YOUR CHOLESTEROL WITH DRUGS FROM MEXICO/CANADA/COUNTRY I DID NOT KNOW EXISTED, which really, that is not tempting me to click here. Something that said CREATES TIMESPACE RIP TO GET EVERYTHING DONE EVERY DAY, now that shit I am on. WILL MAKE YOUR BOSS LESS IRRITATING or WILL EXPLAIN HOW TO ACTIVATE VIERA LINK ON TV IN SMALL WORDS, those are some drugs I could get behind. WILL IMPROVE YOUR ABILITY TO DO MATH, get me some of that. FIXES YOUR GODDAMN PERL SCRIPT ERROR. Hell yes. WILL HELP FINISH YULETIDE STORY GUARANTEED WITHOUT SPELLING ERRORS--I have friends who would be all over that. WILL NEVER NEED SPELLCHECK AGAIN fuck yes, please, send me that one, from Mexico or Mars, I am there.
As society continues not to deal with these very pressing issues, no, I am not buying your drugs from Mexico, thanks.
I haven't recced in a while, but I want to toss this one out: And Play a Favorite Song by linzeestyle, AIRPS, Adam/Kris. Linzee's style is usually faintly melancholy (to me), which isn't at all a bad thing, but this one surprised me with a richly detailed, complicated emotional landscape that tipped over toward hope and the wonder of falling in love in all the ways it can be terrifying and amazing both, realistic and carefully optimistic. Even if AI isn't your thing, in the end, it's two people who in love, uncertain, terrified, and in the end, joyful.
I don't walk out of many stories feeling this good, but this has been a multiple re-read that never fails to make me happier than I was when I started.
Now must go and check on children, as Child and Niece are tying each other to the exercise bike in a series of ever more complicated poses that make me wonder if they have bones. Niece is a stick and Child is--well, not a stick at all, to put it bluntly. And yet.
current mood: awake
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So I started Christmas shopping via Amazon as Planet Earth went on sale (the boxed set of Planet Earth, Ganges, Wild China, and Galapados of course immediately dropped price right after I purchased Planet Earth and Galapados, which is just my luck) and I am seriously excited about watching this Christmas Day with Child. There's also a documentary on Yellowstone, but I'm trying to find the one that says we'll all die in a fire when Yellowstone volcano goes off, because that's just awesome.
( geek parenthood; game consoles are a right not a privilege )
Oh Christmas. My favorite time of year. Also, I really want to take Child to Disneyworld. He's tall enough now that we can go on all the roller coasters together and be sick together afterward. I seriously, seriously have to figure out how to make this happen.
current mood: awake
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Insomnia -
- the reason why, when you fall asleep on your desk onto a blanket and when someone wakes you up for a Very Important Meeting, the fact that you didn't bother taking off your glasses and the eternal mystery of Drooler vs Non-Drooler has been answered for anyone who looks, you just do not give a shit.
I'm rested. The universe may begin revolving again, thanks.
current mood: awake
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Someone has to tell me what the evolutionary benefit of insomnia is. What did keeping your hunter-gatherers in a state of fogged exhaustion achieve? Psychosis? Loss of dignity? Surfing accidentaldong.com and realize you find this shit hilarious?
This cannot, cannot end well.
I have been wearing my new glasses since Saturday and I am very much not used to all this seeing clearly business. And what am I doing with it? Looking at random occurrences of penis-shaped objects.
I wonder if it's unfortunate or not that my son is selling chocolate for school and look at that, the box is rather close. *mulls*
current mood: awake
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There are many reasons I refer to my sister's son's father as Future Serial Killer, because he's just that disturbing. At four this morning, he continued his adventures in Calling Obsessively For Hours Until I Try to Give Him Hives With My Mind.
So I've been awake since the ninth call, circa 4:30, and I totes tried to sleep and gave up at five-thirty. However, I entertained myself with various things and also decided I will not destroy worlds, because that would be wrong.
Instead, other things.
The Vampire Diaries - Damon Wants You to Watch
( The Vampire Diaries - I'm not even guilty )
Anyway, for those who are interested:
salvatoreslash - for all your Damon/Stefan incest needs. Did I mention they are both ungodly hot, Stefan is angsty, and Damon is amoral, fashion conscious, and bites people a lot?
tvdnewsletter - for all your The Vampire Diaries newsletter needs!
I don't want to say you should write this fandom so I have more fic to entertain me. But that's kind of my motivation here.
Fiction
So I added another four thousand words to Trek fic, and it's now--well, longer. I mean, I can see the end! But by the time I finish this no one will care, which is actually kind of motivating. That means I can skip spellcheck! Which hates me. Really.
Last check, my WIP list in Merlin, Star Trek, The Vampire Diaries, Due South, and Heroes is not getting shorter. There's a fair to good chance they will rise up and kill me in my sleep. I'm weirdly okay with that; it means I would get to sleep. And not be reorganizing my computer by the light of the stars.
Current News
I'm trying to figure out how to fall asleep under my desk without anyone noticing.
current mood: awake
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I have just realized my vague sense of homicide toward my fellow man (and potentially sentient beings) could be immensely improved by the application of one large sausage, mushroom, onion, broccoli and pineapple pizza. And if you do not think the awesome is strong in that combination, you need to eat more green things, as the potential is through the roof. And may possibly be my favorite order from Mangia.
Indulge my curiosity while I slowly talk myself down from a Hallmark moment involving a rifle I'll lovingly name "Killer" and a roof*; what's your favorite pizza?
* My job is testing my sweet and yielding nature. I have True Blood on my phone running just above my keyboard so I can feel racy. I have been watching way too much non-premium; I forgot the premiums also are soft core porn. Thank you, HBO. That was a very nice surprise.
current mood: apathetic
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The Bears
Bears are still MIA. Current theory (supported by svmadelyn) is that they are drug mules in Central America. This is a message to them:
All is forgiven if you come home! There are treatment centers! I'll love you anyway!
After talking to UPS and Amazon, replacement bears are being shipped and are supposed to be here on Monday. Unless they too are tempted by a life way south of the border.
Shopping
To use up the rest of my medical savings, since I lose if I do not use, I went and bought glasses today. I also went to Macy's to acquire a Christmas bear (yes, another one), and was told, I kid you not, that they are not doing those anymore. They are doing a Christmas Mickey Mouse.
To which I say, bullshit. Give me my fucking bear.
So while staring hopelessly at the Christmas display, I found the Gund Godiva bears. I want to say I didn't buy it in a fit of pique, but that's a lie, and the chocolate was delicious. The Dillards bear is still out there and I'm staring at Vermont Teddy Bear Company because yes, they are expensive, but I want. I mean, the Jack Frost bear? I want that. I am thinking about the potential of selling plasma. I just don't know how to explain to put "I really need this special Teddy Bear" in a way that doesn't sound insane.
I have a goal. Some people become crazy cat ladies. I'm going to be the crazy bear lady who is found dead at one hundred and three in her apartment surrounded by the cold inanimate eyes of a plethera of bears. If you don't see it, you're not trying.
Sookie Stackhouse books arrived! Amazon had the boxed set of eight on sale, so I grabbed them all. Half way through the second ond and these are awesome. Someone promise me this does not go the way of Anita Blake, because I really like Sookie.
Also three ornaments arrived on Thursday, so yeah, crazy bear lady and crazy Christmas ornament lady. I know. I also have a growing Christmas village. Just do not judge mmkay? At least until it's too large to fit into a single room. I'm not there yet. But yeah, that's my eventual goal.
Right. Bears! My bears on Monday!
current mood: awake
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Dear Universe (UPS and Amazon.com),
Let me level with you; my job is trying to drive me insane, and by try, I mean, succeeded admirably. I needed something good in my life. They are bears. This bear, and this bear, to be exact.
I ordered bears. One tells stories. Stories! They are soft and fluffy. They'll become friends with the frightening number of Christmas-related bears I already own (does not represent totes number of Christmas bears as of 2008). They were not in fact left at my doorstep no matter what tracking says. There is a distinct lack of irony in my textual voice when I say I will cut a bitch and pop a cap into someone and I really don't care who or in fact how impractical carrying two separate weapons in these jeans would be.
Give me my bears.
With a seething rage that could end a thousand worlds in a fiery apocalypse from which no one will escape,
Seperis
current mood: bitchy
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Title: Taste
Author: Seperis
Fandom: The Vampire Diaries (television)
Codes: Damon/Stefan (Damon/Katherine, Stefan/Katherine)
Spoilers: 1.06 - Lost Girls
Rating: NC-17
Summary: There are always rules; there's no other way to break them.
Author Notes: Thank you for a fandom that lets me indulge my heat kink. I didn't know I had one, but let's face it, I have a tag for this. I mean, it's obviously there. Blame svmadelyn and transtempts; I was just fine until the pimping. God, I almost hate myself. Almost.
( warning )
( tvdfic: taste )
current mood: awake
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The more you know...
Word of the day - Merkin.
So there is this book in the bathroom--sometimes there aer many, but right now, there's one that's called Toilet something for reading whilst performing your--functions. And I learned eight new and truly useless words. I laughed at this one, and then I hit google and realized there is a goddamn industry for it. In real life!
So you know, like the typevoring of yore that had several of you trying to contract my death, I thought we could all use this to add to our active vocabulary. I have no clue when you would use it, but I'm confident someone will find a way. Like for scrabble!
...seriously, someone use this in scrabble and send me a picture. This would make me eternally happy. For a week at least.
current mood: awake
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> previous 20 entries
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